sex kitten

life of a porn star
2001-07-16 21:08:16 (UTC)

hell is in my heart

well yesterday maureen had her graduation party and the
whole family was over. they really make me feel so stupid.
they were like why are you in summer school? and everything
i say is wrong. its not only my family that makes me feel
that way. i come across as a total ditz and nobady respects
me. one on one with a person i can be myself and i think
that i can be very intelegent. as soon as i am with two or
more people i start acting giddy and stupid. but if i try
to be normal i am too quiet. i just cant be myself.
also i am literally going insane because i have
something on my mind and i cant shake it. actually it is a
guy and he would never go out with me and a lot of girls
like him. i am friends with im and every second that i am
not in contact with him i am unhappy. love sucks. now i
know exactly the type of guy i go for and no one else will
do untill i am with someone like this one guy. i am so
miserable and it hurts so bad just to think about him. i
should be happy because i found someone i am interested in
for the right reasons, but instead i feel like shit because
i am not with him right now. and when i am with himi iam
afraid of how i will feel when he leaves. he is so amazing
i think about him every fucking second and what i wish i
could say to him. i dont think he has any idea of how i
feel for him and i dont even want to tell him because i
dont wan to lose him as a friend for any reason. But
seriously i am in agony and i dont know what to do. i feel
stupid babbling about him so i will shut up because i feel
too much and no matter what i say it will not be enough.