eidolon

shifting mists
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PropellerAds
2002-08-25 01:50:41 (UTC)

what do you see?

... there was a question posed to the denizens of a popular topic
board I visit that ... bothered me ... intrigued me .... tempted
me ... I decided it deserved to be here ... along with the answer ...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

How do you 'see' yourself compared to how your body really is ..
compared to how you really are? What do you see through your ''mind's
eye''?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

.... and you know .. i wasn't going to answer this question .... it's
intriguing in a way ... but .. the more i thought about honestly
answering .. the more unpleasant it became ...

... i almost passed on it ... but ... i'm not sure why ... i'm
pressed to answer anyway ...


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

.. no matter how honest i am ... how true my words ... how honestly i
present myself ...

.. i'm a liar ... a fake .... and others will know ....

~*~

... though i see myself as extraordinarily intelligent ... know, in
fact, that i am ...

.. i'm also scatterbrained ... spontaneously "flaky" ...

~*~

... whether a size 6 or a size 24 ....

... i'm fat ... bulbous .. miserably inexcusably fat ...

~*~

... no matter the lovely qualities others seem to see or how often
they tell me of them ...

.... i am plain .. mousy ... clumsy .. without style ...

~*~

... no matter how hard i work ... how much i do ... how hard i
try ...

... i'm lazy ... undeserving ... irresponsible ... undependable ...

~*~

... evidence mounts daily that i am none of these things that
my ''mind's eye'' sees ... yet ... reason does not enter into this
equation ... no matter how much i would like it to ....

... i don't see what others see ... for some reason, i ~can't~ see
what others see ...

i wish i could ...


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