Thoughts from Blue Angel
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2001-07-16 17:52:49 (UTC)

New Burst

Well, it's Day 4 of being completely back on track! I
missed this feeling! I leave for college one month from
today, and I plan on using every moment of those 31 days to
get me where I want to be. I've been to Curves 3 times
now, and I haven't eaten over my limit at all.

I hopped on the scale today just to see where I am as I
start the month countdown, and I weigh less than I have in
months! My goal was to land in the 160's before the end of
July, and I'm at 17o fully clothed with light shoes. Of
course, you have to take into account daily fluctuations,
but that's 2 pounds less than what I weighed in at on
Thursday! When I started out, I was 185. (Ugh... that's a
big number.) Now that I've done this for a while, I have
shifted my goals from pounds to inches and the way I feel,
because I love gaining muscle! Even if I starved myself, I
wouldn't be rid of all the flab by the end of the month,
but if I build some muscle, I'll be firmer and the flab I
have will appear more toned than flabby. :)

I've also started some other things to get ready for
college. I'm going to start tanning again, because I've
really neglected it, and I'm looking pretty pasty white! I
also have been flossing every day like a good girl and
taking care of my face by doing more than just splashing
with some face wash and water. Just little things like
that will make me feel better about the way I appear to

Now if I could only get a nice daily supplement packed with
self confidence, I'd be good to go! I know that being
confident attracts people, and that's a large part of my
problem. Everything is about attitude, and I want to have
the right attitude about myself. I just can't seem to get
a grasp on it. I think that's why I have this need for a
guy right now. I always feel more confident when I'm with
someone who makes me feel like I really am special. Yes,
my friends telling me that feels nice, but it's not the
same. I need someone to really want me and only me.
Someone who loves me for who I am, and who is really
attracted to me. I guess right now, I'm looking to draw
infatuation more than love.