IrishEyes

My piece of reality
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2002-08-24 19:11:39 (UTC)

starting over....again

today begins a new chapter in my life again. the book is
getting pretty thick.
i got online this morning and talked to johns sister and we
had a really good convo that made me think about some
things. John got online a little bit later and i finally
got the courage to ask him what we were. he bascially said
that we're really good friends, but that its best if we
just stay that way. i totally agree. he said hes changed
and that things are just different which is obvious. it was
a really good talk actually. its nice to be on the same
page. i said that to him. i was like ya know its good to
know where we stand so that one doesnt expect what the
other doesnt want to give.
it ended on a good note as well i think. i just hope that
things arent wierd now because i really want to keep his
friendship if anything. we had a fitting ending, at least
from my point of view. it was perfect.
on thursday it was the first time i had spent time with him
in forever, and the last time we would spend time like
that. we went to the high school for a pool party and then
we went to his old house because it started pouring down
rain. there was one absolutely perfect moment. we were
standing under the porch thing, and we were both soaked
from the rain. it was still pouring, rain was coming down
the gutters and there was a little waterfall comin off the
roof. it was beautiful and he leaned over and kissed me. i
dont know if he knows how much that moment meant to me. it
was one of those that you'll remember forever. i told him
that today in our convo. i was like ya know i dont know why
i told you about that, but if for no other reason than the
fact that you can look back when you're sad someday and
remember the time you made that little redheaded girl
happy.
i really hope that we can be friends like we say. its like
keith tells me "nothing will be wierd unless you make it
that way" and that stands true in this as well. i have no
problems hanging out with him, theres nothing more than
that in my mind now because its starting over. from today
on its just my friend john. and thats fine. i'm incredibly
happy with that. theres no thoughts of "well maybe if we
stay friends he'll like me again" or any "maybe someday...".
well i'm going to get goin here. its good to know what he
feels.
JGH


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