My Reality
Ad 2:
2002-08-24 03:12:32 (UTC)

Maybe sex is like a snowflake....

OK yes i admit it, i miss sex, i want it, i need it i cant
wait to have it again. Is that so wrong? almost a year
ago i was completely and totally set on waiting for
marriage bc i thought that was the only gift i could offer
my future husband, boy what a load of bullshit....well
anyways, i gave in and did it, 18 yrs old, i felt i was
starting out a little later than most but it didnt matter,
it was something that i couldnt resist any more....i had
said no some many times but never whole heartedly, from
the moment i met him i knew i wanted him, so i put him off
as long as i could before i caved and i went for it. it
was amazing, he was amazing, and well i, haha i was kinda
nervous but it didnt matter, i was hooked, sad part is, he
wasnt, he wanted to wait for marriage as well, so the few
encounters we have had are few and far between. Now i am
i dont want to have numerous partners in my life but
god i would kill for some "make me feel better sex" and
yes masterbating is great, but how long can one human
being do that? gets old after a while and there are
only so many things you can do by yourself. see thats the
great thing about sex, really if you think about it, there
are so many options, youve got different positions, toys,
foods, locations, everything, it cant be done so many ways
it just begs for you to experiment, but i was with a calm
guy who believes in sex in the bed and one way or no way,
so i got to hold in my wants and desires, but now that we
arent really together any more, i want to see the men out
there who want to try what i want. i want to see if a man
is up to what i am up for. i mean i have met the guy that
seemed to want what i want, actually he was practically a
carbon copy of my sexual wants and desires but he is no
longer available to me, so now i am left with the idea
that yes they are out there is just the part of finding
him and keeping hold of him. i want it all, dont get me
wrong the guy i was with was amazing, i loved him, it
couldnt get any better with him, but maybe thats just it,
its just the way we have sex together, maybe sex is like
snowflakes, no two encounters are the same.
ok have you ever thought, can you really go without
sex, is my want to have sex dealing with something
emotional?...if i only have sex with ppl that i am
involved with then maybe i am just lonely and maybe i dont
really want sex but i want someone to love me, or maybe i
feel the need to be close to someone again seeing as how i
just lost the love of my life to a move out of state, or
maybe I JUST WANT TO FUCK! is that so wrong, i mean is it
ok just to want to have sex? that allowed, shouldnt
there be an emotional attachment..i mean the idea of
having sex for sex sake only occured to me inside of a
marriage or long term relationship, so the question is, if
i have someone who i care for and like being wtih, is
sleeping with them really taht bad, if its just sex?
todays society, is "just sex" allowed?....i dont know, i
want to find out but what if is isnt, its something i can
never take back, and something i have to live with for the
rest of my life, as while as my future husband....will
someone still want me if i can just throw away something
that precious? Who the hell knows.....

Oh and just one more thing..."J" if you ever come back, i
want one night, ok ok yes i would love for it to be more,
but if thats all you can offer me, then hold on baby, bc
you are in for a long hard night, i have had months to
think of what i want to do to you, honestly i couldnt see
how you could walk away from me again after i got done
with you!