angelface119

My Reality
Ad 2:
2002-08-24 02:44:50 (UTC)

Whatever happened to the good ole days?

Ok so yes, i admit it i am very old fashion in a lot of
ways, but is that really a bad thing?...i mean today i
live in a world where, babies are had and marriages are
thought of later, where divorce is perfectly normal, and
numerous sexual partners is admired....i dont look down
upon any of these things, not all ppl can live their lives
the same, but doesnt it stand to reason that years and
years ago, marriages lasted and family were close and ppl
were willing to work for what they had, just so they could
avoid all of the above mentioned things.
I just came from a wedding, where the couple had just
had their first child about two months ago. he is a great
kid, but as i stood there and watched them get married,
her in comformed prom dress, and him in a borrowed suite,
the child stripped down to his diaper, and all of us
sweating our brains out in the park that is was held in,
bc it was free and they have absolutly no money, i couldnt
help but think, there is no way in hell i would ever want
this. i know it might sound snobby and it might sound
like i am spoiled, maybe that is so, but i dont think that
having my life in order is too much to ask. its all about
priorities really. i have to finish school first, then
get a job, then save money, then live with the person,
then get married then have kids. thats just the way it
works for me. and yes i know that there are mistakes in
this world and i know that it cant always be that perfect,
but if you have a plan, then reaching your goals arent
that hard really...being prepared is the most important
part of life. knowing what to expect, and being prepared
for the unexpected is what you have to do to get what you
want...and no it isnt the most care free way to live and
it can be hard to be spontaneous, but i think that i would
prefer a lifetime of what i want, over a moment of
something decent.
I do not hold this lifestyel against anyone, in fact
if you can make it work and deal with it like an adult
then i applaud you. i just keep looking at my life and
looking at others and i keep thinking well maybe i am
wasting my time. maybe i am spending too much time
planning and preparing and too little time just taking the
oppurtunity when i can and worrying later. Example, i
love "that guy" with all my heart, and he has asked me to
move in with him again, and though yes i want to say yes,
my heart keeps telling me to wait bc one day "J" will come
back and i will regret moving in with "that guy" bc i will
always take "J" over him. But at the same time, i keep
looking at the situation ad saying you know i could move
in right now, be happy as can be with "that guy" and just
live in the moment, but then i start thinking again and
reviewing our past and saying well you know what, why do
this to yourself, he isnt always that great to yoyu, you
arent dating and you never know he might just want the
rent, h could live with you for a year and live after
graduation. thats not what i want at all, so now i am
faced with another reason to go back and forth on the
issue.
i just want to know that one day all of my worrying
and back and forth thinking will get me somewhere, one day
there will be a man who will appreciate that i have tried
for so many years to care for me and my life and my
savings so that i can be in a good place for him and my
future children. i dont care if you chose to live your
life in another way than mine, i just dont think i can
live mine any other way and still be sane!


Ad:2