Growing Up
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2002-08-24 00:37:06 (UTC)

What happened to our friendship??

Shawn from Victoria called me last night... I guess when I
had that long talk with him a couple of nights ago about
how I felt about him doing drugs and smoking, he understood
that I was worried and he told me he'd call me every couple
of days. I miss him, I wish I had stayed in Victoria so
that I could still hang out with him. I've started to care
about him so much, and I hate that, because before I felt
like he was more of an older brother, but lately, all these
emotions have started to pour out of me and I can't
understand them. I definitely will go back to Victoria when
I graduate in a couple of years. Also, I went on MSN last
night and Ness came on, and we talked and joked around, and
all of a sudden she asked me if I had written back to her
letter yet (we write 6 page letters back and forth) and I
hadn't because I had told her a lot of stuff that I've
never told anyone and she just tore into me. She told me I
was selfish and I couldn't always get what I wanted and
that I should change. She made me sound like the biggest
bitch, but I'm not. No one understands that, and I miss the
easy going ways we used to have... now it's just fights all
the time. I wish we could have our old friendship back. I
don't think that's ever going to happen, but I can always
hope. I've told her too many things. She now knows my
weaknesses and my strengths. That makes me uncomfortable,
but she will always be my best friend... I hope. She
wonders why I go for the "bad boys", I mean Shawn's not a
bad guy, he's been there for me ever since we met... he's
the only one who accepts me the way I am, my own family
can't even understand me right now. Time's going by way too
fast, and I just want to stop the clock, and give me time
to think about everything. With Shawn, it's a strong
friendship that I'm afraid to tear apart... what if we get
into a relationship?? Then what happens? I'm scared for us,
and he doesn't even know how much I think of him. It's so
scary. I wrote him an "I support you and I believe in you"
letter, to try and help him quit smoking and doing weed. I
know he will.