lilith.

dedoubledidentifiedschizophrenia~
2001-07-16 06:26:51 (UTC)

i beg.

i skipped school again today as i have decided days
before.. i dont noe whether the mom came biut honestly im
beginning to doubt whether tahts the main reason why im
absent from school. maybe i cant face up to dy. maybe im
just denying everything so much.. running away.. away from
what im not too sure... i would like to think that i have
all the courage to face up the mom.. maybe i do.. but i
dont noe..

i was, shamefully i guess, expecting dy to call me up dis
recess.. but no. i guess its pretty much hurting but i have
to face it. its over. on dy's part at least. on my side, i
guess this is a long journey i have to trudge on alone.
come what may, i still love her to my dying day.

so far, dis is de longest period of time that we havent
talked to each other... let me see.. since last thursday...
i guess shes survivin.. and im questioning, why im not. but
i noe why.. simply becoz i cant live w/o her. stop u yeah
you.. dont u dare go " ohh please " fuck the living shit
out of u if u said dat.

dy passed some letters to siti today.. i wonder what they
contained but at the same time, i fear the contents. the
same fear i have against the mother. im afraid i cant take
it.

..God.. please give me the strength to face dis episode and
what may follows. Give me strength to face up to my fears
and to deal with dis. dont push me to the edge oh God.
Please... ur child is begging you...

-lilith


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