My Reality
Ad 2:
2002-08-23 03:03:53 (UTC)

The million dollar question, to date or not to date....

To start off school on my own terms or to start school
with a significant other....that is the question. ok so
the plan was to be single after my two failed
relationships, but now, there is a new guy, he is sweet
and very good to me, treats me like i am a prized to be
won, which of course i love, i mean who wouldnt, but the
thing is, i was looking forward to being single and just
living for me now. i mean dont get me wrong the other two
guys i would be with in a second if i got the
wait i take that back, i would have to think hard about
the first, but "J" i would be with in a heartbeat, but bc
i have been thru so much heartache the past year i would
just as soon hold off a while and let myself heal, bc
right now i know i carry a lot of excess baggage. i am
still holding on to hope and i am still loving this ppl as
much as i did when i was with them so its hard.
"rick" we will call him is a great guy, he is smart he
is funny, he is romantic, and intelligent, very mature,
has a good job and is soon to graduate. he has a lot
going for him, i am just scared i will hurt him. i mean
thus far it seems he has fallen hard and though i am
interested, i dont know if i can give him what he would
deserve, and i can tell you he deserves something
amazing. if i had met this man a year ago i would have
pounced on him, but now i am so cautious that i look at
everything from every angle before i even think about
dating them, the questions is what do i do?
do i wait around for the man of my dreams, do i date
this guy with the thought that he could be the man of my
dreams and the other guy was just an appetizer, or do i
just stick to my guns and stay single knowing that after a
short pd of time i will be in full dating mode, ready to
take on the male population. i dont know. they all have
their ups and downs, but my two main concerns here are...
1. if the other guys decide they want me, i am scared i
would be tempted to say goodbye to "rick" and hello to
them, 2. i dont want to hurt "rick" in anyway shape or
form, he is too perfect to screw around with, if i am
going to be with him its going to be wholeheartedly, he
isnt the kind of guy i would want to turn into my rebound
guy...if i am withhim its bc he is so perfect, and not bc
i let my emotions take control and my fear of loneliness
take over.
ok, so one couldnt hurt right?.. i mean i
could wait for that phone call from "J" for months and i
am looking to havea good time..i mean i dont have to
commite just bc of one date and i dont have to tell "J" if
he does come back bc after all it is just a date, and it
could work out right?..aaahhhh honestly i just want "J"
but he told me not to wait for him, though i really, i
guess i should at least try, and if it doesnt go well i
will know that "J" was wrong and that he and i should be
together, in that case i will wait as long as i have to!