Faerie Onyx

Tis The Faerie
2002-08-22 22:09:40 (UTC)

*~How can we still be friends?~*

August 21, 2002 (I wrote this yesterday)

I loved you. I still do, but you threw it all away. You
led me on, whether of not you meant to, you did. You let
everything go, just like that, because it suddenly hit
you. You realized I would make a better friend than
whatever I was to you before, but you are more than a
friend to me. I loved you, and you let in all slip through
your fingers. You were the best thing to ever happen to
me. You were everything to me, and I wanted to be
everything to you. I wanted to be your love, even if I had
to be second to your drums and your band.

When you told me you didn't think it would 'work out'
between us, it felt like my heart froze and then went
numb. I couldn't even feel it beat anymore. It felt as if
my heart had departed and left a huge hole in my chest. It
still feels the same way whenever I think about you. I've
never felt worse. I felt like I was less than nothing to
you, but you are still the world to me.

I guess I should have known it was coming. Friday when we
hugged, you held me so tight, and you wouldn't let go.
Sunday you barely touched me, and you let go immediately.
Was it because you saw Jamie again? She said to me, 'If I
had known he would start to like me when he saw me again, I
never would have gone with you. I never would have even
suggested we go!' She got over you because I was so in
love with you.

I don't know if I can be your friend. To quote a Supremes'
song, 'How can we still be friends/ When seeing you only
breaks my heart again?' This perfectly describes how I
feel now when I'm near you.

I'm not like the others who like you, they all like you
because you're cute. I love you because when I'm with you,
I'm the best person I can be. You convinced me that
suicide just isn't worth it because things DO get better.
I believed you because you made my life better. I even
quit smoking, drinking, and getting high -- at all --
because you convinced me that I didn't need any substances
to feel good.

You were right. I only need you.