Reality Bites
2002-08-22 20:59:56 (UTC)

Absolute transformation

I need a change and it's not coming fast enough. It's been
5 days and I've only lost 6.5 pounds.I need this weight
off, it's stressing me out--I havent even set a goal weight
yet which is wierd for me, I always have had a goal weight
in the past. I just feel like I need as much as possible
off my body in as fast of time possible. I can't even tell
you how terrible it feels to be this big. It's good to know
I'm not staying the same weight, I just wish this process
would go faster. When I go to bed at night if I don't feel hunger
pangs of some sort I get paniked and feel like an absolute failior.
In the morning when I wake up same thing-if I don't feel those pangs
then I must have eaten too much the day before huh? I need to do this
and not fail again. I've failed too many times.

I talked to Luke this morning. He makes me laugh a lot.
He's great. He told me he thinks its funny how I could ever
think that he could replace me becase that's imposible. I
say yeah right. Once I loose this weight it'll be easier
for him to love me.