Monday, October 09, 2000
And again I am racked with questions…
Although I know it is very hazardous to one’s
health, I have been thinking about existence in general.
Do I want to live so that people will always know who I
was? Do I want to live so people always know who I am? Or
do I just want to live?
This stems from a long talk with myself about
whether or not I really want to be a teacher. Originally I
wanted to do it, I think, because I wanted a job where I am
constantly challenged, but with nothing I can’t handle.
I’m always around people, but mainly I’m alone.
See, all my life I’ve wanted to be (I know this
sounds cheesy) a comic book artist. I’ve always loved
creating and comic books are the form I think I would be
able to get the most expression out of. I use both words
and pictures, both of which I love to create. But it is
such a lonely job. I don’t want to wake up in 50 years and
figure out that I’ve wasted my entire life drawing things
that are useless. I wanted to be of some use, which is why
I refuse to go into any business profession.
Back to the comics: lately, as I’ve gotten older,
I’ve been retreating more and more into myself. I mean, I
don’t talk to anyone in class anymore, I don’t talk almost
anyone period. I just keep to myself and I am perfectly
I think I should go back to story-telling. If I
have all of these big ideas that no one else seems to think
about, and I have in interest in (and a talent for) writing
and drawing, maybe I should reconsider it.
Either way, I gotta go. Math is a callin.
I wish I had more time to talk.
“I know we’ll have a good time then.”