Dark Secrets
2002-08-22 11:08:03 (UTC)

Mum wants me to continue with my job

I know this guy from the internet. He's a PE teacher in
Hk. Guess i have some or a little feelings for not
too sure myself. Sometimes i would be reminded of him in
the day, he said he likes me, and he is so eager for me,
eager to see me, eager to be my bf. I duno how true this
guy is....but its sure a gd way to keep my focus off my bf.
But he is kind of unstable....sometimes he would be kept
busy talking to his other net friends, sometimes, like now,
he just goes off...or there is this long silence. i dun
like it. I dun like guys who dun give me the security.. Its
like they can run away anytime they like...

In 8 days time, i will be in this a dream come
true? i duno..Sometimes, i pray that my time over there
wouldn't be sweet, if not it will make things for myself
worse....hard to overcome it, if i really have to leave
him.....i miss him, my bf i mean.

Mum called me today, she told me that she wants me to
continue my job...i told her that i will stop next semester
when i will start my major project. She wants me to
work..kinda insisting, and i dun like it. She said, she
wants me to help her save up for my abroad studies. This is
lame, i just make 100 for giving tuition, how much can i
help to save up? this is absolutely lame. She also said
that i can earn my own extra pocket money. Well, she added
that she wants me to prove to everyone and myself that im a
good lame is that?ahahha
Anyway, she is contradicting herself. Some time ago, she
wants me to concentrate on my studies and told me that i
shouldnt be working..., my lecturer too said i shouldnt be
working, itts not the time to work MAN. She wouldnt
understand how busy i will be.......i need RESTSssss. That
kid has a low IQ almost to the retarded stage and he acts
weird at times...Ive been bearing with him..and now mum
asked me to continue? she talks like she is insisting, her
tone, god damn it!!!...even my bf asked me to quit, how can
she be this way, making life difficult for me...Does she
nor see that im tired and stressssssss..and not having
enough sleeeeepppp??

i dun have to prove to everyone, what for???? i just have
to prove it to myself in my own way. I DUN LIKE HER TELLING
ME WHAT I SHOULD DO....i should decided for myself little
things like that....its my life, its my mind, its how i
wanna think...

Im not out there to please prove to
everyone, who cares what others think abt me? what matters
most is that im happy, i do and get what i want. What
matters most is that ive satisfied myself and my wishes or
what i would like to become.