JessyLeigh

Am I crazy? I think so!
2002-08-22 05:17:18 (UTC)

Letter to....


This is probably the only good idea Nina has ever come up
with, writing you a letter in her diary. So now it is my
turn.
You just said yesterday that you have never lied to me
but that in itself was a lie. You keep saying over and over
that you didn't want Carrie back and then you turn around
and tell her that you want her. And when you are telling
her this you have me in your room where you told me to
stay! Do you even know what you want? You think that I
won't hear about the things that you do but I am not deaf
or blind. I see what you do and my friends tell me
everything. Justin tells me what you say. Carrie talks to
him and then he tells me what you tell her. He doesn't do
it to be mean he does it so that I know what I am dealing
with. This is because he is a true friend. You keep saying
that we are friends but we are not. If we were then we
would have never been in this situation to begin with
because you would have been honest with me from the start.
But no, not Tyrece. Why would you be honest with me and
give me even half of the respect I deserve? After all you
treated me like crap and then you turn around and play nice
for half a minute and then I do whatever you want. No you
had it pretty damn good. But I am done with all of that. I
don't care if you are mad at me for sending Lauren to get
the condoms from you, after all they are mine and you did use
one of them on god knows whom. I hope that it was Carrie, I can be
reasonably sure she doesn't have anything.
Sometimes I wish we could go back to before vacation and
start all over again, then I would tell you to go fuck
yourself that we are only friends. That's another thing you
lied about. You said during vacation that you wanted us to
be a couple when we got back to school after vacation. Then
as soon as we get here you started playing lovey-dovey with
me, then deny we were anything when people would ask.
That was fine after all you were still with Carrie at that
point. But when you broke up and I asked you what was going
on between us you said that we were just friends. I was
fine with that although it was not what I wanted. Then you
kept saying things about us in the future. Did you mean
any of it Tyrece? I mean come on. Were you just completely
bullshiting me or what? And why? I was already sleeping
with you, why did you feel the need to say all sorts of
things that you didn't mean?
I am so mad at myself for falling for it all. For
falling for you. I didn't allow myself to fall in love with
you, but I could feel it. I knew that it was close to
happening. I am glad that it didn't because that would have
made today hurt that much more and it hurts enough. I never
considered Carrie to be competition but I guess in a way she
was. I never wanted to be in that race, I just wanted you
to be with me. Was that wrong to want? To need? I am glad
that I never told you how I felt although you surely must
have guessed. You are not stupid. But you are male which
makes you a little dumb sometimes. I am really glad that
you are leaving, to be honest I have been waiting for this
day for a couple weeks now.
I will miss you make no mistake in that. But I know that
if you were to stay that I would end up hating you. I don't
want that, I just want my life to go back to being sane. Or
at least somewhat sane. You confuse the hell out of me. I
know that I am not the only one you do that to, but I still
am.
Sometime in the future you are going to grow up, Tyrece.
When that day happens you are going to be a great guy. I know
you are not evil. I see the potential in you. I just think that
you do not have the maturity level to be that man today. I am happy
in the future for the woman who gets you once you become that
man. Then you will be a great husband and father. I hope
that day comes soon and that you recognize it when it is here.
Until then try not to get into situations like the one that
is going on now. Because of you I have lost a lot of friends
and because of you many of my friends are mad at me. I am
not saying that it is all your fault, I am a big girl and I
make my own decisions however some of the blame does go on
you.
Good Luck in life.

Peace&Love
JessyLeigh




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