My Life's Thoughts
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2002-08-22 05:06:18 (UTC)

today is august 21 five days since my last entery

i'm sitting here alone in the dark it's nearly midnight
and i'm listen to some the cds jeff had selected. the dark
is so quit that it is almost deafening......and the radio
takes care of that part. the part the radio can't take care
of is this nagging feeling that i'm about to lose everthing
i have. I feel this since of lonelyness that is almost over
whelming in a since that i don't know who i am any more.
i lost all aspects of a life that once excisted and
still love.......i never thouhgt for any moment that a man
could take ovet my life again......but when he kisses me i
think that i'm on another deminsion his hands are skilled
as well as his mind.
his presence runs through me all the
time....i can't just shake him off or ignore his needs
more than any thing i need this man that has become the
essence of my every disire his needs his
happiness has consumed me.....that is all i want to do is
make this man happy.
I want for him to live and breath my name
and in doing so it has consumed us both....were on a jagged
edge that neither one of us can escape from....i don't know
if it's the fear of losing something or our lifes changeing
and heading for the unexpected.
You see we live every day the and those
days have a certain expection on them......and when those
expections aren't met or something is amiss then you lose
something.Your everyday changes and hopefully it's for the
better cause if it's not than those life changed without
the person your with seem like a better opption,but if that
is what they looked like to begin with then there is
nothing to lose except,you need the's the fear
of change that is keeping you(well me or us...i'm not
entirely sure)but if your honest and know what it is that
your after.....then you have it made.....if you have the
courage......that is what i need is courage.
The strength to get things done for
yourself,the wisdom to know if that it is the right
thing,and will to do it.

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