Monday, January 17, 2000
Happy Birthday! That’s right, today is my 21st
birthday. I am sitting at home (in Lansing) talking to you
before I have to write a paper in espanol. I jut got done
reading most of half of Paradise Lost and I plan on staying
up late for no particular reason.
I don’t get me sometimes. I always say that this
birthday shit never means anything to me, that it’s just
another day, but then again for some reason all I’ve been
thinking about today is how much I want everyone to sing me
my song (I listen to Happy Birthday by Weird Al earlier. I
listen to that song every year. I miss it).
Fuck it. All I’m gonna be is embarrassed tomorrow
when a whole bunch of people ask me what I did for my
birthday and I’ll say, “I studied. Wanna fix my glasses
and then watch Star Trek?”
Shit. I’m getting tired. I might want to stop
right now so I can do some of my Spanish. But I don’t
think so. I think I’ll stay up, do some work, watch some
porn (it’s good for the soul), maybe think about people
I’ll never see…
I think I’m gonna go crazy here pretty quick (on a
completely unrelated topic). I see beauty in everything
including people (whom I thought contained no beauty) all
the time. I can’t concentrate, I can barely write this
right now. I think that’s why I’ve been sleeping so much.
My brain knows I can’t function regularly. It knows I need
something more. Or maybe less. Something ugly, that would
be good. No, not something ugly, something so beautiful
that it outshines all other things and makes the sun look
like a twinkle in a alligator’s eye. Maybe people are the
answer. I don’t know. I’ve been seeing so much beauty in
everything I can’t even express it. There are no words.
Everything inspires me everyday to do so much that I never
accomplish anything. Even my bloodshot eyes inspire me.
God, I am such an ass.
Everyone who reads this (which I am sure won’t be
too many people) is gonna think I am one of the most gay
people they’ve ever met.
Here it is again, the best piece of wisdom you can
“All I want in life is to be happy”
Money, family, friends, it don’t mean shit unless