I'm a girl, not a band!!!
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2002-08-22 04:13:03 (UTC)

What is my opinion of my future?

It's midnight. I'm awake. Not ready for bed yet. Are there
better things that I could/should be doing right now?
Absolutely. But has that ever stopped me before. Yeah, no.
So, on with the show.

I asked for a topic to write on, and this one was
suggested to me. So, why the hell not? My opinion on my
future. Well, things seem to be on an upswing for me right
now. No huge parental arguments. I have a roof over my
head and food to eat. Had 2 interviews in the past 2 days.
So, we shall see.

But the problem is that I'm a very, very, impatient
person. I want what I want when I want it. Living at home
without a degree and without a job is not where I saw
myself 4 years ago. Technically, I should have graduated
this past May. But, I did not. However, that is a whole
other story that may possibly be brought up in a later
entry, but then again, it might not be.

But, here is where I am, and here is where I have to stay.
For how long, I don't know. The sooner I am on my own
again, things will be even better.

As for the far, far, future....I want a job that earns me
enough money to support my family and then some. I know
exactly what it's like to be a child and be told that you
can't have new shoes because groceries are more important.
I came through that fine, I understand, but I will not,
WILL NOT, get into a situation where I have to tell that
to my child.

I want kids. As mentioned before, 4 of them. But I need to
know that I can completely cover them financially. I'm not
in the position to support myself now, how the hell could
I have a kid? The time will come.

I want to find someone who loves me passionately. I want
to marry my best friend. To wake up next to the man who
knows everything about me, but who I can still surprise on
a daily basis. And I want all of that in reverse.

So, my future? It's far away, but I'm getting there,
however slowly. One of my favorite myths is the story of
Pandora. After the box was opened and all the bad things
in it poured out and plagued the earth, there was still
hope left.

I am a huge believer in hope. It keeps me together. My day
will come.