gabby

cosmic ski slopes
2001-07-15 19:42:28 (UTC)

my new start always leads me to my past.

I'm thinkign with amazing clarity and I don't know why. My
birthday's coming up, 17 years totally wasted being over-
dramatic and too wrapped up in everything around me. So
it's my 17th birthday and I'm tryign to plan a party to
kind of celebrarte, not my birthday, but just the fact that
I've survived and that now I have anothe ryear to make my
life differnt. Maybe even better.
Lately's been really weird... very fuzzy almost. It's all
gone really fast and looking back most of it's blurry,
somethings' stick out though... Being thankful sara slept
over so I couldn't go out and get high when I was
invited... talknig to Nick today and being the 'mature' one
in the whole situation... being told by a friend (well, a
friends' brother) that everyone's wrong when they tell me
I'm worthless...
Things like that make me realize that all the crap I go
through is just exactly that: crap. And when I get aught up
in it and when I hae to take my pills and when I let ppl
get to me, I'm just letting myself be dragged down by all
of it. I can't let that happen anymore.
I'm not going to either... I'm going to take all of these
new beginning shtat I've been given and hopefully make
something to be proud of out of myself. I'm not going to be
pessamistic (I may not be optamistic either though), I'll
still be cynical but that's just how I am, I'm going ot be
hard working and honest. I guess that that's all I can ask
of myself, right?

Onto my daily happenings lately. I've been teaching now for
a whole week and it's amazing. The kids are great even
though I'm nto a fan of little kids, these onces are
awsome. A few of them have been named my "mini-me's" and I
love being able to be with them every week day :)
My toe ballet is going ok, I'm so afraid of breaking my
toes though. I know that it'll probably happen eventually
but I'm very skiddish about it happening so I'm not giving
my best effort in the workshop...
"Everytime I walk alone along the beach somehow I alwasy
feel the rain" -Blessid Union
"You're the only one who really knew me and could see right
through me..." -Blessid Union
I wish Brian would email me back... it's almost like an
awkward silence is settling between us. I hate it.
The last few days, besides being hazy, have been very
bazarre. Sara is convinced her brother has a "major crush"
on me, so I asked him the other night. He says he "doesn't
know if it's a crush". It's pretty cool that he can be
honest like that, I love it when my friends are honest,
even over something like that.
Well so anyway, I guess I'll stop ramblign now, like I said
b4, dwelling on stuff doesn't help me any and that's all I
seem to do in here.
-vele
-p.s. my birthday is in 8 days!! I'm so excited! A BRAND
NEW START!!!




Ad: