camicazy

Meshed Up
2002-08-22 01:34:00 (UTC)

reassurance

everyone knows the truth. everyone knows the truth about
who and what they are. no matter what other people say,
they just know, deep down, that truth is distorted in
others' eyes. that there is no one universal truth. truth --
a supposed neutral image of reality -- is bent.

--'how come my inspiration's not here?'
'who's your inspiration?'
--'shasha....'

23 year old guy's inspiration is a 16 year old girl. it's
amazing what beauty can do. you can actually inspire others
with beauty.

'beauty is all materialistic. when you grow old, all of you
will be ugly. what will happen then? you see, it's the
inside that counts...'

what is wrong with me? i suppose i just don't want to lose.
i don't want to lose to anything or anybody...

'i make it a point to be the best of all my brothers. a
sibling competition sort of thing. but there are some
things that i can't be better at. with carter, it's sports.
with alex....it's more pimples.'

i remember, when i was young, standing in front of a mirror
with my sister and asking, 'who do you think is prettier?'

she pointed to herself without hesitation.

---

'at university,' ben explained, 'i was a coxswain in a
rowing team. i called instructions through a loud-hailer. i
enjoyed that very much.'

'what happened?'

'i became involved in the anti-vietnam war movement.
cambridge wasn't the most left-wing place in those days. i
lost most of my friends. then i got fat.'

you're not fat, catherine wanted to reassure him, as a
reflex kindness, then had to struggle to keep a straight
face in the moon face of absudirty. reassurance is such a
sad, mad thing, she thought. deep inside, everyone knows
the truth.

the courage consort
michel faber