My Reality
Ad 2:
2002-08-21 03:59:00 (UTC)

Dont do it, dont do it!

Ok so you know better, dont fall for him again, he will
only hurt you and break your heart again, he likes playing
with your head and he likes to make you feel like you are
important though to him you really arent so dont do it,
its going to be yet another year filled with anger
disappointment and all out confusion that will crush your
heart and make you want him even more for some reason
ok so yes, obviously i am talking about "that guy" he
is being so sweet and so loving and joking around and he
hasnt been a real dick in months, so why not just go ahead
and make a go of it?..well there are so many reasons
dumbass, just think logically, one, there is another man
that you love with all your heart that is like one hundred
times better than he is, and yes even though you cant be
with "J" right now, the thought of "J" is like a million
times better than the reality of "that guy" Just dont do
it, you will just spend all your time and money trying to
make him want to date you and he will walk all over you
and use you all over again, when will you realize that he
takes advantage of you, when will you listen you stupid
heart, i mean all you ever do is cause me pain and make me
think of all of the wonderful things, you never stop to
see the logical side that saysteh truth, you deserve
better, but i guess i have to stop being a brain for a
minute and realize that from a hearts point of view, this
might seem pretty tempting, when you have loved someone
for almost a year, have tried everything in this world to
get them to see how good you would be to them and have
tried to be the person of their dreams, having them pay
attentino to you must feel pretty nice, just justifies all
of the time spent on them i guess.
why do we do this to ourselves america? why do we try
and chase love that doesnt want us?...i mean myabe they
want us, but just as fun, i feel like a little yo yo, and
thats not how i want to love, they love me for a minute
just to satisfy themselves and then they push me away
again just to watch me dangle at the end of my rope.
i love "that guy" and i would love to be "that girl"
for him, but for some reason he ust wont let me, i can be
the friend i can be a buddy i can be the girl he has slept
with a few times in the past, i can be the girl he makes
out with randomly, well actually everytime we see each
other, hell i can even be the girl that he wants to live
with, but for some fucked up reason, i cant be "that guys"
girlfriend, i mean i technically already fit the
description of whata gf is but he wont give me that title
and the few major things that go along with that. i cant
meet his parents and he wont meet mine, and no on really
knows about me, except his ex gf, and thats a whole other
story, and i cant be like his ex gfs, hell his last gf had
a key to his apartment and full access anytime she wanted,
i get chastized if i drop by to say hi..i just dont get
it, when did things become so blurred with us that this is
what i am stuck know what its fucked up and
wrong, and though yes i get excited about it from time to
time i am keeping it cool this time, bc the most amazing
man i have met this far in life told me that i deserved
better than him, and i think "J" was right, in fact i know
what i deserve....i deserve "J" but this is how truly
fucked up fate is...the one things i need and want in my
life to make me perfectly at ease and happy is the one
thing i cant have....
anyway, like i said dont do it dont do it, you will
just get hurt again, stay confident in your decisions and
make sure that you follow what you want and settle for
nothing less than what you deserve, and if you are strong
enough, try to hold out for "J" as long as you can bc he
is worth it, you deserve that, and together you cuold be
really happy, lets just hope he comes back!