2002-08-20 08:39:36 (UTC)

I finally got out.

After studying wicca until I got stuck, and sewing the
front of my B.O.S. until I ran low on strings. I needed to
talk to Karoline about circle casting. The topic was neatly
brought on since her second trip to Wisconsin didn't work,
and her first was astounding.

Her boyfriend had an o.b.e. experiance, and turned back
into one of his past lives. (no joke.) She got scared,
cause he's Guatemalan and doesn't speak a word of German.
Though for about 15 sec. he started speaking German in a
perfect accent, and he seemed pissed. He didn't remember
what happened, but when he found out, he told them that
before he had a dream about invading Poland. This was
before he knew that such a thing occured. So she's kinda
scared since she's Polish.

It was about 9:30 when she invited me over to come in, in
an hour or so. She was sure I wouldn't be able to make it,
so pherhaps tomorrow. I told her nah. I'm gonna try and
make it today. And I know I prabobly will still make it in
today. So after a long conversation about double standards
and my life being unfair, my mom let me go for a very
little while. Ofcourse I stayed longer. Mainly cause my bro
picked me up 1/2 an hour later.

We talked of astral projection, wicca, spirits, college,
and such things. It was fun. I needed that. She tought me
how to cast circles. (Atleast her way of doing it.) That's
when I realized one thing, I'm still looking at wicca
through a Christian point of view. That something is either
right or wrong. Hardly ever is there an inbetween. Her way
is okay, but I like to not skip certain aspects of the
original way of doing things. For example, she doesn't cast
the circle THRICE about. Just once. I'll go with the Wiccan
rede on that one. Yet again I'm getting ahead of myself.

I've realized that in order to cast circles, and do spells,
I gotta know what I want, what are my beliefs, and how I'm
gonna go about them. She believes in God, reincarnation,
and does spells. A little bit of everything. Which is cool,
but it's not me. So I can't learn it all from her. She did
get me through a stump though. Now the next thing I'm gonna
do, is realize how I'm gonna follow through with the things
I believe in. Through the spells I do, my views will
prabobly alter. This way I will adapt to the knowledge I
gain. Ofcourse I can't expect to do the perfect all knowing
spell the first time. I'll grow into my own craft. Just by
talking to her I've decided on a few things to start off
with, like a bigger circle then just around my body. (So
that there's walking space, just in case.) Also, an alter
would do for me. (Not her.) I'm still not sure who to ask
for guidance, but I guess as time evolves I'll figer it
out. Or I'll befriend a dragon or unicorn, (whoever will
take me as a friend.) Hopefully they will guide me with
these things. But first off, I'm gonna do the self
improvement spell. (Pherhaps before that I'll stick to
finishing my New Years resolution list for Wicca. Or
atleast more or less finish.)I gotta finish the sewing

I'm hoping that I'll meet some Wiccans in my college years
that are cool and share as tight beliefs as to the ones I
behold. Then maybe we could do spells together and I'd have
a group of spiritual friends. I don't think I'd come to
many pauses and stumps in the craft this way. :0) I still
don't know how exactly to celebrate the holidays besides
decorating an alter and what are some good foods to eat. I
should look under some more websites or buy a book. Books
are better.

Oh yeah, I've also decided to read Phyllis Curotts "Book of
Shadows" again. This way I can put a summary of it in my
summaries section of my Binder of Shadows. lol :0) I'm
also thinking of making the Main section of it have records
or, be a double record of times when I felt I had some kind
of spiritual calling. Or times when I did spells, if they
took effect and such things. Some stuff like that I've
written about so I gotta rewrite it in the binder. I think
this is what I meant to use the MAIN section for, but I'm
not sure. Either way, this is what it will be used for.


I can't wait till college. I told Karoline about my plan to
get a job at preferably Starbucks A.S.A.P. Then to sign up
for a masseus course at 18 in January, and get a diploma in
June. Just in time for my first year at Colombia, being
roomies with my sister just like we always dreamed.

If I get hired at Starbucks soon, will be able to pay for
that class, (and it won't be that there's something that
I'm not cool with,) Then get accepted to a dorm/apartment
at Colombia as a Theatre major and my best friend as a
Writer, then life will be set.

My list of recipes grows thicker. As soon as my mom
finishes telling me a few more that I have in mind, I'll
have about 8. (That makes up for the past 8 months.) Most
of these are Polish recipes. So I'm pretty sure you're not
gonna know how to do them, nor ever heard of them. Plus
practically all are veggie. That's what I'm aiming for.
Good tasting veggie food, that's easy to make and the
ingredients are real cheap. It's working out so far. The
only thing I'm having a problem with recently is
proportions. My mom makes too much all the time, and I'm
not gonna know how much to make for about two people. Or
how much to make if we want some left overs. Especially if
we don't wanna cook every day.

Wow, school starts on the third. I can't wait. Well
actually I can. I don't wanna start job less, but I also
wanna get this over with already. I'm scared about a few
things though. I don't even wanna think about them. Such
would be the college searches, the applications, the
scolorship searches, the ACT's, and the SAT's. This is
gonna cost me a pretty penny. To all this I still gotta do
my homework, get a job, keep it, keep in touch with
wicca/my spirituality, and balance it all off with a little
fun. YIKES!!! Why didn't I get a head start?

My dad's here, I'll finish later. Actually I was gonna
anyway. I don't think I have anything else to say. Bye!!!


P.S. I miss you so much Teresa. Sorry for missing your call.