brighteyes

Lost In Thoughts
2002-08-20 07:47:04 (UTC)

Swing.

Well summer is over now...for sure now. and well...thats
broughht something about. Well...the summer will not let
the high light be you know what..it was the taking back
sunday concert...which was wonderful and i can say and that
actually mean. And to end the summer we listened to weezre
only in dreams...out summmer song. yay. I know i wrote
already today but so much has gone on I am sure i can talk
for a long time. i figured out its a lot easier to write
listening to music..i am in my own world. Guard was
ok....it was so short. Rich came up to me out of nowhere
and said i didnt call. haha....keep his waiting..its all
good. But then we got to talk. i just get the feeling
that he is a good guy....he talks to a lot of girls but he
is just friendly...but i am sure he would settle down.
that seems to be what i am looking for. Then holly and
nate came back...and well...they watched tv and i fell
asleep watching tv and dad called so it was nice talking to
him! they arent going to make it to st. louis..oh well. i
shouldnt worrry about it. they will see me sooner or
later! i dont even know what the deal is with that
anyways. hmmm...tomorw i kinda get to sleep in....so i
think i can stay up all night now..oh well..i take so many
naps. ha. After that holly and i sat around and finally
decided to get some food..it was good. not the food...just
talking. haha...we talked about how guys are jerks..and
yes...i finally let go. i did. Which was wonderful i
could just say...forget it. yay. and then we came back
and as soon i as i got on....he talked to me. its
been....forever. and it was the last thing i would have
ever thought would happen. i couldnt believe it. And we
were just talking about it to. and i had come to terms.
It was so weird...cause today was the first day of the end
of summer i guess you can say. hmm...brought back some
memories. i didnt know what to say...or do. He talked to
me first...and thats the way it should have been. thats
right. Thats all i wanted. and i waited and i finally got
it. So i am so glad i never said anything and i was
indifferent. He said he was sorry for not talking the past
couple of weeks...yea..and that he just had gotten into a
lot of trouble and that he didnt want to hurt me. and that
he got confused and he strewed everything up. yes...he
did. And he finally realized it. thank you. but then he
was trying to blame it on getting trouble...whats the
deal. Does he think i am stupid and i didnt know about any
of it. hmm....and he asked me to forgive him..and sure i
can. i dont like to hold anything against people. and he
said it meant a lot that i forgive him...ha. it might not
be true...but i dont care anymore. its not like i believe
anything. and so i kinda brought up abby and stuff..and i
just wish he would have said the truth....it would have
been so easy but he didnt. he said that when i was with
him....he wasnt with her..so he didnt have anything to say.
yea...yea. oh well....and he wanted to hangout with me like
before and he asked if we could be friends. so...thats
what i wanted..i dont know if its for the best..but it
doesnt hurt to try? i dont know. its weird how this came
out of nowhere. and his info just said something about
abbey...so i dont know. Maybe he just feels bad and he
finally talked to me...or something came up. who knows...i
will never know with him. I even brouht up the old info
about abbey...and he said his brother has a friend. and i
said i didnt beleieve him..and he said he didnt blame me.
danm...he says the right fucking thing. why. i want to
believe him..but i dont so thats the way it goes. He
finally talked to me! thank god. seriously...it finally
happened. he came back to me. this makes things soo much
better. and then he asked if we could just be friends like
before...so were we just friends before? i thought it was
more..i dont know? oh well..hmm. that shocked me. but i
was just like "yea". and from then he was nice and asked
me so many questions. and i just said yea...whatnot. so he
had to control the convo. i didnt care if he didnt talk.
but he would. so wow. I didnt know what to say at
first..but i think i said the right things..i wasnt too
hard on him..but i made him kinda realize i am not stupid.
he said i was one of the nicest people he knows. blah blah.
haha..oh well. at least he says it...might not be true but
he says it so thats takes a lot. i dont know why he just
deiceided to talk to me. but thank you. anyways....i am
in control. yes. I dont know if i still like him..i dont
know..at all. At times i think i do...but i know better.
so i think being friends will be ok. Its not lik e i am
going to see him that much anyways. but i want to find out
more about him. find the truth and maybe he will open
up...who knows. i dont know if its going to make it worse
or better. i dont want to get hurt again. He said he
misses hanging out with me. And holly and i were just
thinking how we want to take nate and robby out to a party
and show how many guys would love to be with
us...maybe..ha....and show them. and then happen. perfect
timing. He asked if i was going to kerrys party..i did want
to go..but then i said maybe not..so i am not going to just
go to see him..i know i shouldnt. so i will see. if i feel
like it...fine...if not...fine. well....i am going to get
some sleep. night.




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