Fallen Angel

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2001-07-14 21:37:15 (UTC)

Marsh III

Marshal Brown III... the love of my life that lives an hour
away and has a new gf now. A went to see him last night.
Angela and I drove out to Randall's friend's house and
nobody was there so we just decided t drive to Roanoke. It
was the best Friday the 13th of my life. I'll go into
detail later but I wrote a letter to him last night,
revised it today, and then sent it to him. The letter is as

You cannot quit me so quickly
There's no hope in you for me
No corner you could squeeze me
But I got all the time for you, love The Space Between
The tears we cry
Is the laughter keeps us coming back for more
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep safe from the pain But will I hold you
These fickle, fuddled words confuse me
Like 'Will it rain today?'
Waste the hours with talking, talking
These twisted games we're playing We're strange allies
With warring hearts
What wild-eyed beast you be
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep safe from the pain Will I hold you again?
Will I hold... Look at us spinning out in
The madness of a roller coaster
You know you went off like a devil
In a church in the middle of a crowded room
All we can do, my love
Is hope we don't take this ship down The Space Between
Where you're smiling high
Is where you'll find me if I get to go
The Space Between
The bullets in our firefight
Is where I'll be hiding, waiting for you
The rain that falls
Splash in your heart
Ran like sadness down the window into...
The Space Between
Our wicked lies
Is where we hope to keep safe from pain Take my hand
'Cause we're walking out of here
Oh, right out of here
Love is all we need here The Space Between
What's wrong and right
Is where you'll find me hiding, waiting for you
The Space Between
Your heart and mine
Is the space we'll fill with time
The Space Between...

I was up until around 5:30 this morning thinking of you. I
haven't stopped thinking of you since I left your house
last night. Why does it have to be like this? I love you so
much and I hope you nor I ever forget that. Marsh, honestly
you are the best thing that's ever happened to me and I'm
so scared of losing you as a friend and a person. A million
questions are running through my mind right now. Why can't
I just live inRoanoke? Why do you have to go to Carolina?
How do you feel about Lizzie? Do you really love her? Do
you really love me? How could you love both of us at the
same time? Is she as heartbroken as I am that you're
leaving? Should I even trust you? Am I ever gonna get over
you? Why can't I feel like this about somebody else....
somebody that's here... somebody that doesn't have a
girlfriend right now? Will I ever get to see you again? Why
did we even break up in the first place? Have you forgotten
about me? About what you used to say to me? Do you even
take me seriously? I have never cried about a guy in my
life... until you. I cried when we started dating b/c I was
so happy. I cried when you gave me that card on Easter
along with the leopard bracelet, etc. The bracelet that I
wear everyday. I cried when we broke up b/c I couldn't
believe I was forced into that situation. I cried every
night that we were arguing. I cried when you started dating
Erin. I cried when I came to Roanoke and didn't get to see
you more than 5 minutes. I cried when you told me you and
Lizzie had been dating for 6 months. I cried last night
when I left your house, and I'm crying as I write this
letter. It took me months to come to terms with our break
up. But I'll never get over you completely. When I'm with
you I feel happy and safe and complete. You're the only guy
that makes me feel like that. After we broke up I went
wild. I would go from guy to guy looking for something to
fill the hole in my heart. I ended up being branded a slut.
I've always wanted you back and I'm always hurt when I hear
you talk about you other girlfriends. I just want you back
and I want to be able to turn around at any time and be
able to kiss you or hug you and just know that you're
there. I don't care if you end up being successful or
homeless I just care about being with you. I'm so scared
that you're going to misinterpret this letter as me being
the obsessive ex girlfriend, or that you'll laugh it off.
And I pray to God that you feel the same way as I do. But I
really don't know. Maybe my hopes are set too high. I just
want you to know how I feel, which is another thing I've
never done. I love you. I always will. I really don't know
what else to say. All I can tell you is that I'm always
here for you, there's nobody that could possibly love you
like I do. You are my everything.
Love Always,

There's a whoel big story behind our break-up that I'll
also go into later. Anywayz, just thought I would put that
down. Mom just walked in the room.