Melly

Does this thing come with a manual?
2002-08-20 06:27:59 (UTC)

long time no express....

I wonder how long I can not talk to MC after tonight? I
told her my long distance was getting cut off and that I
will not be able to call her because I didn't have the
heart (guts) to say that I can't talk to her any longer. I
don't want to end our friendship but I certainly need to
do something. I can not be bitter anymore. I can not dwell
on the past. And I certainly can not let this ruin my
dating future. If that makes sense. This is making me
depressed thinking about it. Okay different thoughts.

Okay, i wastched some cool movies last weekend. I have to
say that I didn't think Lord of the rings was going to
make me cry. And I certainly know better than to watch it
with I am Sam. I had a total cry fest. I was tearless the
next day. Anyhow I had to see two different movies to make
myself feel better. I rented Crossroads and Resident Evil
next. Crossroads was cute but I had already seen Res Evil
in theatres. Still liked it just the same and no tears
were a flowin. It felt good to cry. I think I got out a
lot of other pent up things in that flow of tears.

Wonder who I may meet next that will rip out my heart and
take it for a whirl. I always say I give up dating. Yet
somehow I keep going through it and still ending up with
the same outcome. When will my time come? I am already
past the point of impatience. I am sorry to say, but
patience has gotten me nowhere. It has gotten me a liar. a
regret. three rejections. a teaser. And now to add to the
list, a ruined firendship. Where does the fun begin????

I am so sick of being alone. I am so sick of being the
single one. The virgin. The naive one. The always the
bridesmaid and never the bride one. I am so sick of
hearing the same old broken record lines. I wonder what it
is like to have a relationship? I wonder if I will ever
fall for someone and vice versa? But if I keep looking I
will never find it. And if I don't look I will miss it.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Ya know, I will look back on this when I have a girlfriend
and laugh at how pitiful I must sound. How desperate. How
depressing. How bitter. How angry. Everyhting will go away
when she comes. I will forget I ever complained. And
things will be all happy-go-lucky. But until that fucking
day.....FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUICK FUCK!!!!




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