My Reality
Ad 2:
2002-08-20 03:12:08 (UTC)

The want to achieve our dreams, and the consequences others suffer for us to reach them

Ok so we all have a dream, a plan, a direction in life we
want to take, but do we ever really stop to think about
what happens to those who care about us most to really
understand what they give up so we can have our dreams. I
mean I am very grateful for what I have and love my family
very much, and I can realize that in the past, yes as a
child I did forgo my parents wants and desires so I could
be happy and I see that now, and as I have grown I have
seen how selfish some people, in fact most people, can be
and I try very hard to make myself as selfless as possible
when it comes to helping others achieve what they want. I
know what’s its like to have a dream and to want to
achieve it but in the mix of things give it up for someone
because I know they would have to suffer through my
I really hate to speak badly of him, or maybe I am
sounding selfish depends on how you look at this really
but, but when “J” left, I couldnt help but have this
horrible feeling that he doesn’t care that its tearing me
up inside. He was all excited about moving away and being
with his buddies and going into the airforce, and while
yes I want all of that for him because I truly understand
his dream, I couldnt help but think he could be a little
remorseful that I am sitting here watching him be this
happy and knowing that I am in no way a part of whats
creating this enjoyment in his life. Which by the way
sucks ass. I mean really, I know it sounds awful this is
the best time of his life and I want him to be mournful
that he is leaving me. Well he could act just a little
hurt and pretend that he will be thinking of me, but I
don’t see that happening. He was caught up in his dream,
but to see the consequences of him attaining, is what
caused me to practically have a real nervous breakdown. I
saw my side, and felt that I was losing the only person
that has ever made me really happy. Crappy for me, and
all but oblivious to “J.”
I think that it is very important to support him
in his endeavors but at the same time, I cant help but
think that I am supporting something that is ripping my
heart out. I mean really, I would’ve love nothing more
than to throw myself on his feet and beg him not to go and
cry and flail around and make a big scene and profess my
love for him but what good would that do. I mean I know I
would’ve felt better because I would know that I tried
everything in my powers to make him stay but at the same
time, I didn’t want to make him feel bad, this is his
dream and his dream should make him happy not guilty
because of some girl.
I don’t get it, our dreams are suppose to be
delightful and happy they are suppose to make us
appreciate all that we have and make us want to strive for
more, so why the hell is this one tearing apart something
so great. “Js” dream is taking something that was great
and wonderful to two people and just decomposing
everything that they have worked for over the past few
months. Something amazing was introduced to two strangers
that let them feel truly happy for the first time in a
while and now its been taken away, and I cant help but
think it will be replaced with a busty blonde that will
make him even happier. And yes of course I want him to be
happy but I really don’t want it to be some other girl
that does it for him. I AM SUPPOSE TO BE THE GIRL THAT
Ok so that was my rant, its selfish and
unnecessary because when it comes down to it, if “J” is
happy that’s what matters, I am sure I will get what I
want someday down the road so lets just hope and pray
that “J” is it, lets just hope that my dream wont do this
to someone else because seeing “J” this happy is truly
making me miserable!