My Reality
Ad 2:
2002-08-20 03:10:04 (UTC)

The pressures of believing and the fear of lying

Born in the deep south, all my life I have been surrounded
by the idea that there was a right way to approach
everything and if your approach was not a carbon copy of
those around you, then you were wrong and should be
punished for such heinous crimes as having a mind of your
own and attempting to make sense of this world. You arent
suppose to think you are simply suppose to conform to
those around you. This is the philosophy for many in the
south and this can be applied to any topic be it religion,
music, politics, raising children, feeding the homeless,
hell anything you can think of they have an answer for and
finally I have to ask, who the hell are “they” and why the
fuck are we following them when we know that there are
other routes to explore, different approaches to consider
and other minds to pick. I mean really, when did we
decide that our own minds weren’t good enough?
Its very apparent when we have such corrupt
churches, jam packed prisons and schools that are being
run by the children, our system of thinking could use a
little adjusting before the future becomes even more
bleak. Religion, why exactly is southern baptism really
the only religion or set of organized beliefs that are
excepted in the south without a sour look of discomfort or
hint that you varying from the flock is somehow an insult
to those around you. Why is religion taken that way? If
you are having a discussion of religion and you are of a
different faith than the person you are talking with, why
do they find it somewhat of a blow to their ego that you
don’t believe the same way they do, or feel the need to
pity you, as though the organization that you belong to is
somehow inferior to others. Granted I am proud of my
beliefs and back them 100%, but I don’t feel bad for
someone if they are different from me. In fact, because
thus far in life I have only met one other person who
truly believes the same as I do, so having an open mind
about religion is very important to me. In fact having an
open mind is what has pretty much gotten me ostracized in
the first place when it comes to my religious beliefs. I
struggled for years to find a religion that I belong to.
I searched my heart soul and mind to gather what I
believed was right and how the world came to be and how it
operated, and I have to say that all those times I sat in
the uncomfy pews in the baptist churches and attended
church camps and arrived early on Sundays to help with the
dinners and arrange the plays and trips and such, and even
my ventures into the Pentecostal church, I never once felt
at home, I never once felt like people were genuine and I
never truly felt that I could be alone with a higher power
if I was surrounded by all of these people who were in all
honesty getting to know me just to judge me. They wanted
to get into my head to convince me I was wrong and take me
to their side. They wanted to tell me the life I was
living was wrong and sinful and help save me.
I cant help but think daily, I don’t need saving.
I don’t need someone to rescue me from my life I don’t
need someone to pity me. I need someone to accept my
views and either nod their head and say ok or disagree and
explain their point, but never and I mean never do I want
someone to say damn it you are wrong and if you don’t
believe this, this, and this, then you will burn in hell
forever. How exactly is that being a good Christian.
Arent they suppose to be the religion that loves and
accepts all even with their sins they accept them? That
doesn’t sound very neighborly to me.
And while we are on the subject of religion, just
for a minute let me say that I hate that so many people
have to insist on using religion in their daily
interactions with me. If your faith is that important to
you that’s great, but by all means I don’t want to deal
with it. I don’t think that having to read someone else’s
dogma should be a part of my life. Keep it to yourself.
WWJD bracelets, bumper stickers, t shirts, god the list
goes on. I really don’t need to see them, and if you need
that much of a constant reminder to stay true to your
faith then maybe that isn’t the faith for you. Not
everyone believes the same as you and I don’t want it
shoved down my throat 24/7 because to be perfectly honest
even though I am very adamant in my beliefs, it still
becomes very hard to explain them to some because it is
such a rarely know practice, so then I am pinned in a
situation where I can either take time out of my life to
explain a very detailed belief to someone who could really
care less about it and who is just going to tell me I am
wrong in the end anyways, or I am forced to lie and say
something that will please them because I don’t want to
have to deal with my faith being critiqued 24/7. Either
way it grinds on your nerves. Either I have to deal with
explaining myself like 100 times a day or I have to deal
with the horrible fact that I do occasionally lie about my
faith just to keep from having to put up with horrible
Why is it that we as Americans all feel we have to
say and do whatever it takes to please our neighbors. Why
cant we just be honest with each other. Is it really all
that important that we keep each other happy. I mean
shouldn’t we be able to do that on our own or have we
become too weak as a nation to really take care of
ourselves as individuals on so many levels. Why do we all
feel obligated to just nod our heads and go along with the
whole deal just to please someone who could really give a
damn what we believe anyways? Why have we all become so
self involved that we cant relive the pressure of sharing
our feelings and just be open. Why make it necessary to
tell one another about our beliefs and accept them if we
arent willing to do the same in return. If your church
believes in evangelicanism then that is great; however,
either one, realize that I will only tell you once that I
don’t want to hear it, or be prepared to hear my beliefs
no matter how much they contradict yours. I mean come on
its only fair. You give me your spill and expect me to
fall in love with it, let me tell you my side and see how
much you like it. I mean a real bible beating baptist
would just hate to encounter me on one of my good days
when I am feeling my oats. You can give me all you’ve got
about jesus and the bible and what not, just let me chime
in the end and say that I think the bible is useless and
though I cannot deny jesus was a real person who did walk
the earth, I can deny that he has the power that you say
he does and I can say that pray holds no real importance
to me and I can say that your church makes me horribly
uncomfortable and opens my eyes to the breeding grounds
for KKK members, true biggets, small minded, closed
mouthed, sheep who believe what they are told because they
have no guts to explore what appeals to them, they are
simply born into something that they are told to believe
and though they might doubt it they still follow for fear
of being rejected as damaged goods from society. So what
the fuck do you say to that. Are you ready for that…no no
I didn’t think so…see you dont want to hear the truth so
stop bugging me and keep it to your damn self because when
it comes down to it, I am fed up with you people, you
people who bang on my door and ask for my time but arent
willing to give me the same. you people who tell me I
shall burn for my sins but step out your front doors each
mornings and lead the same life that I do, you people who
are so caught up in what others think that you become
mindless drones who do nothing with their lives but
attempt to please others with your brown noising ways and
your whole hearted bullshit that just leaves those of us
who have a mind to follow our own way in awe of how fucked
up you really are!