angelface119

My Reality
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2002-08-20 03:05:33 (UTC)

Love is a batlefield, the rocky road of romance, and other cliche terms we use for the stages and developments in the labor of love

So as we look at love in general, I think it is evident
that it has many layers, or as Shrek would say, love is
like an onion. It has many detailed layers, and can be
really sweet or make you cry. I think when you look at it
from a start to finish span, the romantic form of love has
many different faces, and though some may be temporary and
some may be difficult, they are all part of the cycle one
must go through to fully experience that emotion we all
know so well, the one that changes it all….the big L.
The safe back up. Yeah you know the one. They
are comfortable, they are well known, though they might
not be perfect, they are what you are use to and they are
what you can deal with. You know all of their little
idiosyncrasies and all of their secrets. Their flaws are
bearable and the good points they posses aren’t all that
impressive, but good none the less. They have seen you
cry, they have seen you mad, they have seen you happy and
they have even seen you naked. I think that this is one
of the reasons that we keep them as a backup. No one
wants to have to break in someone else and let them get to
the point where they are vulnerable enough to bare all.
If you are uncertain of what you want, but know you don’t
want to be alone, this person is what you keep in your
life to fulfill this need as a backup. They can step in
and make you feel good that you have someone, they know
you well enough to keep you sane, and they have seen you
naked so some random “make me feel better” sex is ok and
perfectly acceptable, in no way are you breaking dating
rules or using someone. They know that you come and go,
and they expect it…obviously they see you as the same
because they wouldn’t come back for more and more time
after time if they wanted something else.
The attempted buddy. Yes, the guy/girl that you
initially liked and then got to know and then decided was
just an amazing….friend. Yeah might not have been in the
plan book and might not be the sweep you off your feet
reaction you were hoping for, but they are a part of you
none the less. So you get close, you share all of those
intimate details with them because they are just like one
of the guys/girls. You no longer see them as the gender
that they are. They are just a being. They help you with
your problems, make you laugh again, and get to rag you
about everything they can think of..After a while it feels
like a brother/sister relationship, until that one magical
moment when you look at each other in a different light.
You see them, not as your partner in crime, but as a
loving caring, sexy person, who could make one hell of a
girlfriend/boyfriend. It hits you like a bolt of
lightning and it doesn’t always happen at the same time
for both parties, but none the less, you eventually are
cornered with the inevitable. Do you or don’t you. You
will both bring up the great friendship you have and no
one wants to ruin it. But you decide to forgo thought and
reason and try it anyway. Now you are faced with a whole
new problem. Can you be the person you are suppose to be
with them? You never worried what you looked like in front
of them before, but now they are a date..what to wear what
to say..the list goes on.. You now see that the simple
date is really a test of your friendship. There are
always going to be akward moments…there is that funny
feeling of “omigod, I am kissing so and so” is that
his/her hand on my butt, that weird moment when you
realize you have slipped back into being buddies and are
trapped in a moment when you have to decide to turn up the
heat or get out of the hot tub, so to speak. To be
honest, they rarely last, but it is an experience that you
don’t really regret because they mattered a lot and you
learned about relationships and each other. You walk away
from it feeling as though you have accomplished something.
WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING? Ok we all have them
and its perfectly ok. Your friends knew, you family knew,
your mother warned you, and your little mind had decided
that they were all wrong. that’s right, you had reached a
point your life where you thought that you were the only
one who could possibly understand this amazing experience,
that no one else had ever felt before. It was new and
exciting and something that you hadn’t had with anyone
else before. Be it sex, love, physical attraction or what
have you, its new and you want to cling to it for fear
that you wont find it again. I think this is the panic
relationship. You find something rare in this person and
though it isn’t all that great, at the time it means the
world to you. In all actuality, in retrospect, the one
thing that attracted you to them was kinda weak, but you
really didn’t care. You spend the entire relationship
lying to others about how great it is working out because
you knew that they were right and don’t want to admit
failure. Things aren’t working out like you had planned,
the guy/girl treats you pretty bad, and most of the time
they make you cry or want to be anyone else but yourself.
it’s a life altering experience that will warp you and
change a lot about you. Though it makes you stronger, it
also takes a lot away form you…though you loved them, you
love yourself too much to cling to something that is all
but nonexistent.
The one that got away. For whatever reason they
come into your life, they seem to fix everything
that “what the hell was I thinking” broke. They make it
all better and they open you up to love that you have
never known. They show you that this horrible feeling and
doubt that the last left you with is completely
unnecessary because you are an unbelievably amazing person
that should be worshipped. that’s right, they give you
the feeling that thousands should be kneeling at your
feet. it’s a whole new world that gives you confidence,
makes you realize that your dream person does exist, and
makes you want to be more of yourself than you ever have
been before because everything that you have thrown at
them thus far, they have loved with all their hearts.
Even your flaws were appealing to them, so why not be all
that you can be. Unfortunately, there are many cases
where this doesn’t last. Yes there are reported cases of
you’re “the one that got away“, turning into “the one that
almost got away but turned into your meant to be“..
However that is rare, lucky and very good for those who
can encounter it, but rare none the less. The one that
got away is a sad experience that doesn’t really make you
cry. It makes you proud that you had that experience, and
restores you faith that there is someone out there who can
really be that good to you and not expect a damn thing in
return.. You are good enough… you are the prize.
Finally, obviously I have yet to encounter this
one, but the meant to be is a very important one. Not all
people believe in this one, but I definetly do… they arent
always the one that we end up with due to the seriously
fucked up way fate plays cruel games on us, but still they
exist. There are people who are perfect for us, there are
people who would make our lives complete and a lot less
difficult, but finding them and keeping them is the real
battle. They will make it all better permanently. They
will fight with you in a way that doesn’t let you know you
are fighting. You will see the future in there eyes and
you will be attached to them wherever they go. It is a
fixed condition that leaves an imprint on you for life.
Obviously, not everyone will experience all of the
stages and not everyone will have them in this order, but
that seems to be how I have gotten to where I am today. I
haven’t found forever yet, but I have been right up
through the one that got away… and because of my love for
a romance, I believe they will come back to me. Good
luck to all of those who don’t understand the rules and
regulations for the varying stages, because it will be a
bumpy ride ahead of you that offers up lots of heartache
plenty of confusion and a lifetime of wondering. Get the
facts straight and keep you heart in line. Your “meant to
be” will thank you for it!


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