My Reality
Ad 2:
2002-08-20 03:02:02 (UTC)

So what if i am a woman, as a species, we are kinda weird!

We buy scented dishwashing liquid..why? In hopes that our
dishes will smell presentable? If you sniff the dishes to
make sure they are up to code then I say maybe a little
medication is in order

We, who are blessed with curly hair, spend hours and hours
trying to straighten our hair, just to whip out the
curling iron and curl it again.

We say nothing is wrong when we are pissed and refuse to
talk and when we are happy we complain about anything that
is possible.

We wear shoes that are too small just because they were on

And you know the rule about things that are one sale, its
going to save you money so why not buy two! Even if its
something that’s completely unnecessary we still want a
couple in case of that freak incident when you need it and
you have to rush out and buy one at full price, god
forbid. You now can have two for that possible onetime
occasion in your life!

We cry when we are happy and when we are sad, we flail
around like we are dying

We apply that lovely shade of fire engine red lipstick
(which for some reason is suppose to look natural?) that
inevitably ends up on our teeth and we think that we are

Thongs! Need I say more? At what point did we decide that
even our underwear needed to be low cut too?

Fake nails, tanning beds, hair extensions and Loreal. We
are slowly but surely turning ourselves into the bionic
woman. Nothing is real any more hell even our boobs are
going artificial. Tummy tucks face lifts, nips and tucks
lifts staples and stitches are what we think makes us
attractive…sounds like hell to me!

We spend hours on end trying to doll up and look gorgeous
for our men and then refuse to let them touch us
because….we spent hours trying to look good for them…DON’T

The pantyhose hop… we are all guilty of it… jumping around
the room trying to slid into pantyhose that are one size
too small, just to suck in our guts…now girls lets think
about this.. That chub is still there, it is just
relocated to a roll that pouches out the top of hose,
making us look like jabba the hut.

Eyelash curlers….what exactly possess us to poke ourselves
in the eye..I mean if someone is paying that much
attention to my eyes to know I didn’t curl my lashes, then
I say you are creepy very very creepy!

Can someone explain the strapless anything! We think its
attractive to show off some skin, but this really isn’t
conducive to anything that requires movement. You spend
the entire day pulling and tugging to ensure your tits
don’t pop out. I mean I want to show skin but there is a
line ladies.

We tell each other our deepest darkest secrets..I got my
period, I am having a heavy day, my bf tried a new trick
on me in bed last night, I am having this horrible
stomache cramping and I think that my hair is falling out
due to the birth control I am on.. Who the hell
cares ..if one more girl tries to have one of these
conversations with me I might have a nervous break down

We secretly hate britney spears. Ok ok some of us not so
secretly.. it’s the feminine fear that we have..we know
shes hot and we know that all men want her..we fear that
you will leave us for her because you find her attractive
even though if we thought about it there is really nothing
to worry about because you don’t have the slightest chance
in hell of ever attaining her but who want
another woman
Yes I am guilty of this too, but I have to say
for women it is different. women know they cant get the
men that they want that are famous so we just fantasize.
Men actually think that they can achieve britney spears,
so we definitely need to worry

We want you to still have some idea of chivalry, but only
when want you to so apparently we want you to read or
minds. Not really all that much to ask.. I mean just
figure out the days I want to be independent and when I
want to be a baby in your arms and you are good to go just
keep in mind that these feelings change from day to day
minute to minute so be on your toes.

Deep down we all want to be cuddled but fear it….weird,
not really ..sad, maybe a little… it’s the best thing in
the world but at the same time something that can be taken
away in a heartbeat, here is where the stupid part comes
in…some of us genius women have decided to skip the middle
man.. If cuddling scares us we go straight for the sex
that way we have no chance to worry, which creates a
lovely name for women in general, one woman screws up and
we all pay for it too much to ask to think before
you undress…there are those of us out there who do want
respect..I mean not a lot, I can only ask for some much,
but leave me something to work with please

Can someone explain to me why I pay forty bucks for
something I am going to sleep in..hell I don’t even sleep
in it..I wear it for all of thirty seconds to let my man
get interested and off it comes and I curl up in his t
shirt for the rest of the night as the lovely nightgown
lays rumpled up on the floor

Pillow shames, bed ruffles, area rugs, who the hell said
these things were necessary.. They are expensive, they
have to be washed and simply get in the way

Ummm yes I know it was a good idea at the time but the
whole cooking naked thing just screams I am an accident
waiting to happen, burns splatters and spills sounds like
a trip to the emergency room in place of an erotic meal,
and it just doesn’t sound sanitary to me but who’s asking,

And while we are on erotic situations, who fucked up and
said they like giving head…I mean you have ruined it for
the rest of it, it seems like a commonality that men
expect now, like saying bless you after someone sneezes,
its just polite to do it….

What woman made it ok for the male to dry hump our legs,
is that really appealing to someone, if I am in the mood
don’t make love to my leg make love to me

Tongue rings! What woman made it a fascination for men? I
want to know so I can hunt her down and hurt her, its bad
enough I am timid in bed, do we really need ideas like
that floating around, it just makes those of us who are
reserved even more uneasy trying to live up to the great
pierced acrobat

Who decided that being waif thin was perfect..I really
don’t think it was men as a whole, because even since the
dawn of time, men have preferred meaty woman, so obviously
women instituted this rule just to create bad self images
for other woman who cannot achieve that goal, that way
they can appeal to those men who think with their dicks…I
mean yes it is ingenious but also rude crude and a wee bit