My life
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2002-08-19 17:29:14 (UTC)

.:Happy But Still Depressed:.

Im happy at this point in my life, but inside all i want to
do is die. OK on August 1, 2001 me and brant made love,
well he calls it fucking because obviously he dosent love
me. But it was making love to me because i do love him and
I think and believe that I gave him the greatest gift
anyone could have given him. My Virginity. Ever since i was
a little girl i have always said that i was going to stay a
virgin till i found someone i truely loved. And To me Brant
is that person. And i'll never regret it. How many girls
can say that? Well afterwards me and Brant have hooked up 3
or 4 times. Mostly ive jacked him off and he has fingered
me. But he was over at my house all wekend. Yesterday he
was here from 11 to 7 and he didn't want to leave. He was
so sick (now i am bc i was with him so much!!) and like i
got him medicine and a drink and i would lay on him like in
a good way bc he kept asking me too. I dont know whats
going on. I'm really confused (haha when am i not!!) He
says he likes me but he cant go out w/ me yet. i think its
becasue he still likes alex, who is a big slut now, she
fucked 2 guys at a party, gave 3 guys head, and shes fucked
will little twice i have a totally different outlook at alex, and its
not a good one...but i still care about her and she is still my best
friend bc im not ging to leave her now bc she is going through a lot
of shit w/ ppl like will..So brant is starting to think shes really
dirty. so maybe he'll stop liking her...maybe. well gg and
eat ill write more later