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2002-08-19 17:00:39 (UTC)

some thoughts

damn i can't wait till the semester begins, because im
dying..literally dying at home...i just feel like i don't
belong here. im just a different person from everyone that
surrounds me. im sick and tired of feeling guilty of being
me and being cursed out all the time. im just sick of it. i
can't wait for school to get my emotional self
out of this mess. i can't wait!!!!!! god im in
so much pain right now. im just guarded off from the real
world and i hate seeing my life going by like this..i can't
do anything to stop...i think this semester is going to be
a lot going to try my best to get out of this
mess..even if it kills so sucidial and im so sick of crying my ass to sleep nearly every
night and im just sick of my stupid trivial godforsaken
life! i want it to end because i endure no happpiness but
pain. i want to hav a bf...there's so many people that
would love to go out w/ me, but it's just not happening...i
need to set myself..emotionally as well as physcially, free
of all this catastrophe. i tink im going to take a run for
it this september...i have a feeling that things are going
to go my way this making sure that it goes my
way...i envision myself living 300 miles away from these
freaks!!!!!!!! i wanna move to seattle or somewhere really
far after this whole college shit is over w/. yeah seattle
or somewhere like arizona...just as long as it's far and i
can survive on my own..after that i can begin to feel some
normality in my life...perhaps feel what true love is
rather than being pent up just sick of
being screamed sick of being depressed. the tears
will eventually go away when i reach my
ee at last!