Self harming dyke
Bit of a crisis but not bleeding yet
Tough day today. It's been a month since I cut. I don't
think I will manage another day. I was in crisis earlier,
but took some xanax and have been feeling stoned ever
since. Being at work helps - I feel safe here. I do not
feel safe in the flat. At all. I may just get on the tram
and go to the hospital now. Tell them I need some safety
and see if they can tell me something that will stop me
wanting to cut.
I just wrote a poem while I was feeling stoned on the xanax:
Floating on a xanax haze
seems the only way to get through the days
Thinking "will I, won't I bleed?"
Wanting to fulfil the need
Wanting to see the blood
Gushing in a lovely flood
But then no more pride, no more "one more day"
Just hatred of self - so I float away
Floating away in the hope to fade
So I don't go home and reach for the blade.
It's a bit forced, but I didn't plan it, I just wrote.
Haven't written poetry for ages.
I really hope that I wake up tomorrow with no frsh cuts but
I don't see how I can.
PS Thanks to the 3 of you who sent me messages. I hope you
are all doing OK.