2001-07-14 06:40:22 (UTC)

i love shannon. lalala. i love..

i love shannon. lalala. i love shannon.
laaaaaaalllaaaaallllaaaa. heh.
i love her SO MUCH.
shes so great...
and shes so great to me =)
shes like...everything i want in someone. except for the
fact aht she lives so far away. but well work it out =) and
everything will be fine. because were better than all the
shit =) and were going to be fine. =) =) cuz i love her so
much. i know i wont be able to be celebate for a year...and
if she thinks i can. =) shes crazy. but she is crazy =) and
thats okay...well work it out. i mean. sex is one thing.
but love is another. and...i love her. so itll be okay. =)
i just want to make sure that she knows that i love her
more than anything. and you know whats great? i can talk to
her about everything. like anything. its so cool...sigh. =)
heh. shes awesome =) i know that i hurt her...but i wish
that she could see that i dont WANT anyone but her. i just
dont want to fucking loose her over something stupid and
trivial. so i have to be careful...you know. but i have to
be happy too. but SHE has to be happy. she needs to realize
this...i mean. i CANT just not tell her if i have sex with
someone...you know. i mean. i WANT to be able to talk to
her about everythign...and not hold back anything. but then
again i dont want her to think that i love her any less.
because i dont...god. at all. shes the ONLY one i want to
be with...its just that im fucking crazy i guess lol. or
just a whore. you know...but i love her. and so well be
fine...somehow well work through all of this. i just hope
that she doesnt have sex with nikki. i mean...its alright.
i wouldnt hate her. i just wouldnt be happy. i mean. god i
sound fucking crazy lol. it alright if i have sex with
someone else. but NOT HER. lol...yeah. twisted logic, huh.
hmm...somehow that makes perfect sense to be though. its
like...sex with anyone but her is just SEX. you know. its
GETTING OFF. its fuckign FUCKING. its not like...love sex.
you know. love sex is different...if she has sex with nikki
itll be love sex. ugh. and ill vomit. and cry. and yell and
scream. but...eventually. i think id get over it. i just
wouldnt trust her. or believe the i love you thing...or
maybe i would...i dunno. heh. too much thinking =) night