My Confessions
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2002-08-18 07:02:36 (UTC)


Dear Diary,

First of all to those of you who write me back advice thank
you so much especially sammy, your input really helps since
I basically have no clue what i am doing!

Anyways, on to today. So I woke up late and Collete was
already gone by the time I was dressed and showered so I
didn't have to worry about another face off with her. Then
I went to the mall with Stacey and we discussed the whole
Christian jealousy over the lap dance with Jay and guess
what I found out? I think Stacey has a thing for Jay, the
whole time I talked about what I had to do with him, she
was like "Did JT want to? Did he want to make out with
you?" I was like, "I dunno, how am i supposed to know? It's
truth or dare, you do things you don't want to." She's
like "You didn't make out with Samantha cuz you didn't want
to." I'm like "yeah but that's different cuz that's like a
moral issue and I'm against kissing girls just for
attention." And she's like "well was JT hard when you were
all over him?" So I didn't know what to tell her. I mean
it was obvious that Jay was hard, I mean c'mon I was
fricking riding the guy, I think I could tell, but I can't
tell HER that IF she likes him. But I couldn't tell her
that he wasn't turned on b/c then she might think he is gay
or something so I went on the safe side and I'm like "I
dunno" and she totally blows up! She's like "HOW CAN YOU
NOT KNOW?!" So I thought she was on to me so I gave in and
i'm like "okay, yes he was!" And then she like goes
bilistic, but she tries not to show that she's mad, it was
driving me crazy! I mean, is it my fault that Jay got
arroused during a game? NO! SO I don't know why she was
mad at me. Anyway, its not like Stacey should care she is
dating this guy Michael (that lives like half hour a way)so
I don't know why she thinks she has the right to get mad at
me over lap dancing Jay when HE was the one that got turned
Okay, so after shopping I went back home to chill and I ran
into my favorite person in the world. Collete was in our
room when I got in there and she's like "You can't be mad
at me forever." I'm like, "You can't pretend you are me
just to get action." Then she sighs really loud to show
that she's pissed at me, and I'm like "do i give a shit?"
And then she starts explaining AGAIN how she was just
really drunk and how she is really sorry and things just
got carried away, but I didn't really want to hear it, but
I heard her out and then afterwards I'm like "Look Cole, if
I just say 'okay I forgive you' what's gonna stop you from
doing it again?" And she kinda pauses and I take that break
as my exit and I went outside to lay out and tan.
So after I had tanned for like an hour these water balloons
start flying at me from everywhere, and I look up and see
that it's Jay, Christian, Greg and Andrew so I like run
inside and call my back up girls. So Sam, Alyssa and Desi
all come over and we start this huge water fight, it was so
much fun!!!
After that they all had to go to their boyfriend's houses.
Sam doesn't have a bf but she met this guy Dave last week
so she is going to see "Bloodwork" with him tonight and I
was left alone = ( It's times like these that I really
wish I had a bf! Christian went out with his brother
tonight so i didn't get a chance to hang out with him...in
a way I was actually glad. I'm still a little POed about
the whole "you are a loser b/c u didn't make out with a
girl" attitude he was giving me last night, but I guess I
shouldn't let that bother me so much. IT JUST DID! Anyway,
I talked to Jay tonight and told him my whole dilemma about
how I don't technically know where Christian and I stand
and he promised to help me figure it out! YaaaaaaY! So I
guess I will know how that went tomorrow. I don't know if i
want him to say that we are or that we aren't. The problem
with me is that I love the chase but after I get the guy
things get really boring! I dunno what to DO!