The Dentist and other Errands
First of all i don't know if errands is with two "Rs" or
just one, and i'm too lazy to look that up. that said and
done i went to the dentist. now i know that dentists are
big important people that don't have time for me (i mean
my grandfather's one and he acts like that even when he's
not on the job), but if i have a fucking appointment you'd
think i'd atleast get attended to within the realm of that
time. so my appt. at four and i get there at 3:50. at
3:58 some fat dude comes strolling in like he owns the god
damn place and waltzes his ass right up into the dentist
chair. of course i go up to inquire what the hell orca
the whale was doing, and i get the reply of "oh we're
running behind".......now who's fucking fault is that?
god damn it. so anyhow, the dental assistant is this
realy hot chick. and she heard my inquiry so she gave me
this look of "hey you ass, we're doing the best we can".
so then it comes to my turn and i'm sitting there, mouth
open, with the hot chick working on my teeth.
"god damn it" is all i can think. i mean it's just that
it's pretty damn embarrassing for a guy to get caught
picking his nose or something, but when you're in this
position........anyhow, there i am thinking thoughts like,
"does my breath smell?"
"don't breath out of your mouth........damn it now i'm
thinking about it, OF COURSE i'm going to do it now"
"saliva, shit, drooling so much, must cut back.......oh
sure cut back on an involuntary reflex."
so then i try to compensate for my compromising position
by saying something witty, but for some reason saying,
"boy i sure do drool a lot" didn't tickle her fancy.
so then i went out to buy a phoen for my parents. my
parents have this defect that most parents do....it's when
they need a new appliance and say "oh we'll get it
tomorrow." it's sorta like sending a paraplegic up a
flight of stairs for something, sooner or later you know
you're going to be the one who gets it because as much as
the other person "wants to" they just won't do it. so
there i am at best buy looking for a phone, when one of
those faggot ass "i'm overly happy because i've shot up on
cocaine" guys comes up to help me. jesus F-ing christ
dude. this guy was all over the fuckign place as if he
were trying to sell me a used car. he starts telling me
about the new 2.4 ghz phones compared to the old 900 mhz.
phones. he tells me about how clean and crispt hey sound
and i respond with,
"so i probably shouldn't use this when i'm stoned or else
i'll think the person's standing right next to me."
no response. it's as if the happy switch just kinda shut
off. then the automaton resumed again. i only said
something like that cos he was younger than me (i think),
but anyhow. i get the new kind and head for the cashier,
who is some stoner girl.
we all know the kind....greasy skin, very fucking white,
like she was sniffing some white-out and accidentally
dumped it all over her filthy ass. now, i don't care if
it's misogynistic, but women are not very convincing
(unless they're in the process of giving head). she's
trying to sell me some warranty thing which costs about
half of what the phone did. she's telling me about how
they'll replace every part and how if we're not satisfied
we can come back and exchange our phone for a chinese
whore. i didn't have the heart to tell her that if the
phone didn't work at any point during it's residency at
our house, my dad would work that thing up the manager's
ass like a nicely greased dildo.
that's my warranty.
my dad - diet coke broken appliance = mayhem