My Reality
Ad 2:
2002-08-18 03:30:37 (UTC)

The wonder of what could be, and the reality of what is...

I was always under the impression that everyone had their
own fairytale. It might not seem like much to everyone
else but it made their lives more tolerable and added a
small bit of happiness to an existents which typically
seems a bit dry these days. But oftentimes I wonder, is
it really possible to screw up that fairytale? Can
something go horribly wrong and what might have been or
what should have been be no more simply due to human
I would like to think that real life has at least
some element of that romantic movie we have all seen. You
know the types, boy meets girl, boy falls madly in love
with girl, girl gets what she wants when she wants it and
the boy would do anything to keep it that way. The type
that says everyone has that special someone out there, the
type that says when you least expect it the perfect
someone for you will pop up and make your life complete,
the one that says if you truly have faith in the one that
you love and try hard enough you can really achieve that
wonderful, heavenly relationship that clouds your
perception of reality.
I am a worrier. That’s what I do. I have a
chronic disorder that makes me question everything to the
point that it interfers with my way of life from time to
time. I want desperately to be the type that can go with
the flow and maintain a constant cool, but it seems the
more I fight the current, the more I get sucked into the
under toe. Anywho, my point is, I think that maybe
society’s idea of a fairytale is just a little far from
the truth, or maybe it really is the truth but not the
whole truth. Yes, you can have what you want, but not
when you want it or exactly in the fashion that you
choose. Hollywood and glittery actors mask the honesty of
reality. You aren’t going to have a Sleepless in Seattle
moment, you will never find someone across the country,
fall madly in love and never have to face any bumps in the
road. The bumps in the road are what make it worth it.
There cant always be champagne and roses, not all men will
offer up that candlelit dinner and the walk by the sea.
Sometimes the McDonalds cheeseburgers and helping paint a
newly rented apartment can be the most profitable
experience to share. It isn’t what you are doing but who
you are with that makes life worth it really because you
can have all of the pseudo happy relationships you want
but it wont make a difference till you find that one that
makes you really believe the fairytale is possible.
Relationships come and go, they leave you wounded
and heartbroken, bitter and less confident, sullen and
cautious. Those kind make you doubt the possibility of a
true fairytale. With each lie and with each hurtful
phrase, you begin to lose faith in the idea that there is
a special someone just waiting to sweep you off your
feet. You have been treated like dirt, been taken
advantage of, and forgotten about one too many times to
really think that someone would really put in time,
energy, and effort into you. You all but give up hope,
and then it begins. The whole cycle that makes you see
that the fairytale isn’t all that far away. Its just been
masked and warped and altered a little by how the world
works, and though it may not be in the fashion you wanted
it or the perfect situation and timing, its still your
dream come true. Suddenly the ideas that you doubted,
that certain person appearing from nowhere, that instant
connection, that feeling that you have found an exact
replica of you only in the opposite sex, that gooey gushy
feeling that sneaks up on you, that “I cant tell him I
love him yet,” worry, that idea that nothing else matters
in the world, you just want to try and be with them right
then and there, the future, the past, nothing else matters
but that moment, the moment when you realize you really do
complete each other. It’s a beautiful process really if
you have the time and patients to get out the microscope
and search out each of those details, because life is much
too broad of a topic and far too fast paced to really be
able to see that in a day to day situation. It’s
carefully hidden in our lives and few can see it when it
occurs but once it has you realize the beauty of what you
You have long distance relationships, you have the
inevitable “other person,” the I need to move away and
find myself incident, the moving away to school, the my
parents don’t agree argument, the we are too young stuff,
the I need to be single for a while deal, the lets wait
till its right, I mean the list goes on and my
question is exactly when do you stop trying to figure
things out and stop analyzing reality and see it for what
it is. Is there really a point in life when bells and
whistles go off, is there really a point when you feel as
though you have been hit with a train? What if it isn’t
that obvious? What if your bells and whistles have been
set on snooze and the train is slow moving and feels like
a minor push in place of a full knockout? Does reality
really have a way of telling you that this is it, and if
it does, what if you miss it? What if you are oblivious to
the signs and you aren’t paying attention? Is your
fairytale really going to come true anyways, despite your
fallible ignorance?
Well, then what about nonbelievers? There are
those in life who have blind faith in everything, there
are those who have blind faith in things they find
important enough to chance, and then there are those who
don’t deal with faith, they just assume things will work
themselves out and the outcome is what’s meant to be. I
happen to be the middle, very few things in life I put
faith into but when I do, you better believe that its one
of the most important things in my life. Love, for
instance, is one of those things that I can put my all
towards. I have absolute faith in the fact that if the
odds are stacked against me but it feels right, do it
anyways, at best you can end up with the person you were
meant to be with and at worst, you can say you had an
amazing time trying with someone who fell just short of
being perfect. But does that mean I have to find someone
else who believes the same or does that mean that I have
take what comes to me and hope that I can be strong enough
to carry the burden if they are a nonbeliever, or keep the
ever so faithful one grounded and keep their ideas as non-
flighty as possible? What gives and who has the answers?
Overall, I think that the fairytale is out there
to be had. I don’t think that its glitz and glam and I
don’t think that Hollywood can ever come close to matching
the power of what really happens when two people fall in
love because it is a real process that takes time and
takes hard work. It isn’t always going to be coming up
roses, there is a little manuer in the garden too, but
that’s what makes it love. Show the dirt you have to
crawl through to get to the grassy meadow of love. That’s
the part that matters. As far as knowing when to fold
them and knowing when to hold them, I think that
unfortunately that’s one of those things that has no
answer. Your perfect man or woman will be the one that is
right beside you while you’re sliding in the muck and
the mire and though, in your quest for true happiness one
may fall behind and the other may trudge forward, if it is
meant to be, the pace will even out and hand and hand you
will enter the realm of love, dusty and dirty, and see
that flaws and hard work are what make it all possible and
worth while for that matter, just remember to keep your
ears alert in case the whole bells and whistles idea is
really true, wouldn’t you feel really foolish if you went
for the sensible route of being conscious to your
surroundings in place of fantasy, which is always such a
tempting path.