give me a break

good in my head...
2002-08-18 01:43:31 (UTC)

do you ever regret giving..

do you ever regret giving someone your cell phone number?
sometimes i wish i hadn't given mine to joe. he sends me
little text messages and they annoy me. he's all "i need to
talk to you about something and it's kinda urgent" so i
change my plans and go talk to him or call him and he's
conviently forgotten what he was so desperate to tell me.
it's his ploy i think, to tell me he needs me just to get
me to pay attention to him and make him feel better.
blah enough about joe.

nightlife in the city i live in is less than desirable.
it's stupid and so not worth getting dressed for. the men
are either all really drunk and yuk or i've already had a
conferentation or some sort of experience or else i went to
school with them. and the clubs are dumb. nothing exciting
happens here and i've seen enough 16 year old white pants
wearing slut wannabe's to last a lifetime.

my cousin has just asked me to be legal gaurdian to her
child. thats a HUGE thing. she's recently had some not so
nice episodes where she has had to go to hospital. mental
type episodes. my nephew is all sorts of gorgeaus and i'm
so lovin that kid. he's 2. so she wants me to be his mummy
for like a couple of years. she wants me to take him and
have him live with me and i'll be his mummy figure type
person while he grows up. i feel sorry for him that he's
been through this and he gets carted between both sets of
grandparents and to numerous aunties and uncles. he's only
a baby for gods sake. and there's nothing more that i want
then to take him and help bring him up and be there for
him. i want everything for that kid and if doing this for
my cousin whom i love more than the whole world is going to
help, then i'd do it.
but i dont know if i can. what if i suck at this? it would
be okay if he was a newborn you know, i'm good with small
things, babies and such. but a 2 year old? a walking,
talking house trained little boy? I want to do it but i
dont want to suck and i dont want to wreak things and i
want to do it my way. dilemmas people. my life is full of
them.




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