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2001-07-13 18:19:53 (UTC)

July 13, 2001

Hey all. Well, I must say, the last few days have been
fun, kinda confusing, and yet there's still something there
that tells me that this isn't right. I don't know what it
is, but I don't think I'm heading in the direction that I
want to be going in. Well, if you have been keeping up
w/my diary entries, I went to Sheri's house on Wednesday
night. Her and Gabe came to pick me up and we went to his
house. We got there about 6:30 or so. We were just sittin
chillin there and it was me, sheri, gabe, tony, kris,
sarah, jennifer, david, josh and marla. They played beer
pong w/some shit called madras but I didn't play. Then
after that we all went upstairs and that's when all this
shit started. It was like then david was massaging sarah
and jennifer's feet, tony was massaging sheri's shoulders
and gabe was massaging me like all over lol. Well one
thing led to another and a few people left. Well, 4 to be
exact. You all don't need to know exactly who they were.
WEll either way, a few people got some that night, lol. go
them! Well, I got a little bit, but to be truthfully
honest, I wasn't completely satisfied, but supposedly he
was so at least I know I did something right. but I don't
know what it is. Whenever I mess around w/somebody it's
like I never feel right afterwards and stuff and I don't
think I'll ever find the one that I feel right with
throughout while we are messing around and then once we get
done. It's like impossible for me to be completely happy.
Oh well, anyway. Then we went back to sheri's house around
1 and i was really cold and I felt gross and I just wanted
to be held so i got on the couch w/kris and he held me for
a while and we were just watchin tv. Sheri was on the
couch. We were on the other couch and it brought back
memories from the first time I went to sheri's house and i
was pretending that it was the first time and that the
person I was on the couch w/before was there. I don't know
why but I have been having weird dreams with that guy in
them a lot lately and it's made me think well, do I still
want him or not? Why can't I make up my mind? Whoa, I
just realised how incredibly fast I just typed all of this,
lol. Anyway, and it was like 4 or so when kris went to bed
cuz he had to get up early. But we stayed up til 5 and I
was like sheri i wish _______ was here because I want his
body so bad, lol. I don't understand, I haven't liked him
since like april and the last time i saw him was a few
weeks ago at camp and nothing special happened then. But I
do remember dancing with him at the dance there when lady
marmalade was playing and that was very very nice and
interesting, lol. Ok I should probly stop w/that. The
next year is gonna be bad because all the new freshman are
gonna be movin up and then he won't want to talk to me at
all anymore cuz he'll be all up on that "fresh meat." I'm
just gonna be cast aside like a used toy. And I never got
a chance to do what I wanted to do to him, so it sucks cuz
now I never will. I guess it was just a once in a lifetime thing.
Anyway, I guess I better quit on this subject. Well I
think I just about covered everything I need to say for now
and my fingers hurt so I will go. Peace easy.

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