MLCG

Friday, July 13th

I can't believe I am being held responsible for this whole
mess with the boys. Pat is saying that Danielle is saying
I upset her and she thinks our marriage is unstable, but
then the lawyer says that it is Pat that is messing things
up. I think it is really Pat because she is not willing to
take a stand on separating the boys. Her report is the
most cruical of all and she just keeps trying to push it
off hoping we will change our minds about Jordan. We just
can't he is too much, and I have honestly removed my heart
for ever bonding with that boy. I find it hard to get
closer to Justin with him around, because I am afraid that
Jordan will get mad and take it out on Justin. I think it
is amazing that now all of a sudden Catholic Charities has
taken an interest in things, Danielle called yesterday and
so did Erin, of course neither tried to reach me at home.

It just amazes me how everyone feels sorry for Michael and
says "Oh he just made a mistake, used bad judgement, etc"
but when I do something you would think the sky had
fallen. I am held to such a high standard that I will
never make it to where everyone thinks I should be. It is
crazy, its like I am the good kid that everyone expects
perfection from and Michael is the screw-up that no one
expects anything from. How is that possible? Am I the
only one who expects anything from him and therefore am the
only one who is disappointed? Seems like things are just a
little out of whack here on planet earth.

Here it is noon and no one from Catholic Charities has
called, I wish they had never been in the middle of this in
the first place, I think they have done more harm than
good. They just always seem to have a judgement to make,
yet have never met the boys or make contact with us on a
daily basis. They only come in when someone says something
is wrong or they lawyer asks them to look in. I mean they
had hubby go do the drug test, but never requested a copy
of it. That was $95 of our hard earned money for that test
and they did not even want a copy that it had come back
completely negative. I don't get it at all. My mom says I
am just taking everthing too personal, but how can I not?