2001-07-13 16:35:47 (UTC)

What I am going to say

I owe you an apology, jon, for being such a jerk these last
few months. I don't know if you have noticed but I haven't
been myself.

I am going to get really honest with you because I have to
let you know where I am at..
I have thought that there was something here that could be
more than a friendship., but I never let it get to me ou
know. I just tried to cocentrate on enjoying our fiendship
and just giving my life to God, and even though people
talked and talked to me about what was happening with you
and I. I kept telling myself that God was in control and
that it was ok just to be friends. but then someone really
"talked" to me and they told me that they thought that you
and I spend too much "alone time" together and that we
should only do stuff together like every two weeks instead
of every week and that we should only do stuff with alot of
people. and even though their data was all wrong I could
see their point. cuz when two people spend alot of time
together an intimacy develops- and that's good but
with men and women eventually one of them starts
having feelings for other and when you're just freinds
that's when things get weird .... so in my head I'm thinking
they don't know anything about me or our friendship but
then I started to be really weird and I would only call you
if there was a good reason like the road trip because well..
I don't know I was just being stupid- and then when we would
hang out I was so self aware that I just didn't have a good
time- and to tell you the truth I really miss us just
hanging out and me not thinking about anything.and just
being who I am with you you know?
I figured the best way to get this stuff out of my head was
to tell you