Life as I know it.
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2001-07-13 06:56:17 (UTC)

i need more female friends

so okay i spent the afternoon shopping by my lonseome, not
a big deal i prefer it like that. At my old job i ran into
a friend and we decided to eat, so we grabbed some chinese
food, smoked some weed, and went out, now lemme jst say i
am trashed...drank way too much, I wouldnt be surprised if
i puked tonight.

Hether called me and left many a message on my machine,
damn my fucking cell phone and sprint for not cashing mty
check cause they are dumb. I aws going to hang with her
but since i came home at 2:30am i figured it wouldnt be
nice to bother her.

Oh im in love, with my friends roommate, i find out more
things about him and im just like "awww" he sounds like he
would be perfect for me, and im scared, not for the fact of
beingw ith him just that at one time i thought matt was
perfect for me and im dumb cause i make decisions like that
and they never turn out true. what the fuck? My theory is
i have to date someone i have no feelings for whatsoever or
am not turned on by them at all and they will ideally end
up being my perfect man....seriously i feel like this, like
see all my boyfriends -always- had dark hair and eyes, so
now my new thign is light hair light eyes, those are the
guys i date usually.....grrrrrr.....nothing works out in
the end, nothing, nothing, nothing!!!!

Oh and matt never repsonded which Im fucking cool with...I
dont want to see bitching me out via email. Im so tryint
to move on with every bit of me, but i miss him, yes im a
dork, a huge dork...a dork who should know better, but im
not. I start my day with the attitude that i am the best
person I can be, and I feel like that until something
reminds me of........him. Oh god now i feel like what the
fuck is that name of that book, its about a guy named carl
who still loves his ex eventho she cheated on him while he
was away and left him for another man. Carl is a chef. I
fucking have that book and dont remember, no its not a
romance novel actually the author and how its written is
spectacular....kinda Martin Amis-like. Its really good
actuallly and if i ever remember i highly recoommend that

Oh back to the boy who sparked my interest actually I can
kinda say he is a friend of mine, I dont know, there is
something about him, he is totally rockabilly which is
awsome...and cute in my opinion of course dark hair dark
eyes =0( He has a job, he has a future, makes decent
money, already a friend, can have a conversation with
him........but alas he is a friend, so that just ruins it
all. He's also the director of that movie im in, one of
the extras...look up previous entries if you must, so thats
just awsome. I think I just need to find the more stable
male me, thats all, i mean someone who is me (aka a walking
contradicition) but calmer and more stable, thats all i
want....but such is life.

Oh well im gonna go to bed now, sleep is always nice.

signed, Jenn