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2001-07-13 04:03:12 (UTC)


Wednesday, December 22nd
I think I've pretty much figured out life. Not just my
life, but life. It's hard to explain. It's more of a
state of mind or a feeling or something equally deep. I
told you a while back about the Unbearable Lightness of
Being. It's that state I was in where everything seemed
terrifically good or horribly awful. When I would see
someone on the street kissing someone else and I would
almost drop to my knees from absolute happiness. On the
flip-side, I could see a opossum lying dead by the road an
practically have to stop the car because I thought my heart
would collapse from sadness. That's how I thought life
should be lived. As hard as it would be, I thought that is
how I wanted to spend the rest of my life: in utter ecstasy
or terror. One extreme or another. Not too many people
are able to taste those extremes and yet I was able to live
it for several days.
The problem with the Unbearable Lightness is that
it isn't too practical. You could never get anything done
if you were always crying (from happiness or sadness, it
doesn't matter: it's too hard to see the world through
watery eyes; something always gets warped). Then I kinda
lapsed for awhile, not thinking about much of anything, not
caring about much of anything.
I thought, again, this is how I should live my
life: not caring about anyone or anything, not even
myself. That way, if something goes wrong, eh, who cares?
Not me.

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