Tuesday, November 30, 1999
Sex is gross. I just thought of that.
I know, I’ve always been a big advocate of sex
(marital or not) but I was just thinking today, no matter
how good it feels, that is where you pee. People wonder
where STD’s come from? When you mix pee, semen, mucus,
friction, and different cultures (and is some cases
different species) chances are the alchemist is gonna come
up with something. I mean, I definitely like it (although
I can barely remember what it’s like) but I’m not sure if I
would rather do that than several other things.
I think my sex drive is finally going down. MSU
stole it from me last year, but it took a while this year.
Also, I was thinking: I am a fucking junior in
college! Can you believe that? I can’t. I figured I’d be
dead by now or something. At least still a virgin and
wondering what it was like to “kiss an actual girl.”
I remember in high school, this is about the stage
I was at where I had just about everything figured out that
I needed to figure out at that time. I was also a dick,
but I was smart enough to know it. Now I am WAY too nice
and I can’t figure out how to make friends. Of course, I
don’t really care to anymore (although they’re falling away
from me like I was wearing a shit-suit), but still, I can’t
remember how to make friends. I also can’t remember why it
is I want a girlfriend. I’ve spent so long thinking about
them and trying to get them, no matter who they are or what
their relationship to me, that I forgot why it is I wanted
them near me.
For the life of me I can’t remember. I wish I
could, but I can’t. I think I might need either to look
deep inside myself or give the whole damn thing up and try
something else (like have fun with who ever is around me.
I’m still trying to figure out when it is I am going to
figure out that people you hang out with don’t need to
necessarily be your best friends in the whole world just to
have fun with them. I think that’s the main thing Jaime
has taught me. That and inner beauty can outshine outer
beauty easily enough).