2001-07-13 03:54:08 (UTC)


A new day and a new outlook.
The old Nick will soon wither away and die. He is
no longer needed and apparently no longer wanted.
Yesterday I figured out a lot of stuff about everyone
around me and myself. I have to stop fighting everything
and standing up for everything. I have beliefs, I just
don't think I should let them interfere with me living
anymore. I should just let a few things slide, like
drinking and sex and stuff like that. The way I figure it,
the world will be over in a few short months. Well,
probably not. But do you really think if the government
didn't fix the Y2K thingy that they would tell us? Either
way they told us it's fixed and we believed them. I think
I just might start pigging out, working out, drinking,
fuckin around with women (although I doubt I will be able
to do that. For some reason I still can't make myself even
kiss someone unless I really like 'em), just everything
that college kids do. I think I might have to start doing
something, cuz most of the people here just don't
understand how It works. I do, and I think I might need to
see it from their perspective for once. See how it is to
live selfishly.
I've always wanted to know.
How do these people sit around and not do anything
school-related for days at a time? How can they shun
responsibility like that? How can they get drunk every
chance they get and not think there is (or will be) some
sort of problem? Why do they sleep around and cheat on
their 'others' and get drunk so they aren't afraid and get
so fat and...
I have a lot of questions about my peers. Maybe
this will be more of an observational experiment than
anything else... yeah. Maybe this will be some sort of
sociological test on college kids. Or maybe it's just an
excuse to lose my reality for a while and try on someone
else's. I'm just curious why everyone acts the way they do
and why no one acts like me. I can't find anyone that acts
in any way like I do. I wish I could sometimes, that way I
wouldn't feel alone sometimes (although, I guess when I
think about it, I never really do feel alone all that
often. Not as often as I should, and not as often as I'm
sure I will when I start living another life).
I think I just want to see what all the fuss is
about. Everyone seems to enjoy this 'me' lifestyle. Even
people who I thought would never change, like Kristi and
Harris, are changing and transforming into different people
right in front of me and there's not a fuckin thing I can
do about it.
Shit, shit, shit.
OK, well I gotta go and study a little bit.
Don't worry, I'm gonna act like a normal college
kid, but I still want to pass my classes.

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