[T]'s Demon World
2002-08-16 09:24:13 (UTC)

I'm a Murderer

I killed an ant today and it felt great!.. Killing bugs
that invade my space is fun. You think they would be smart
enough to know that if you climb up the leg of a living
being 1824598652496 as big as yourself, that you're gonna
die.. But anyway..

I'm b.o.r.e.d.

I'm not doing anything, I'm not chatting with anyone
because my msn fucked up and now no one is online.

I've also been sober for I don't know how long now. I'm too
tired to get drunk. I started working double shifts
everyday to pick up some more money, and car hunting.. City
buses fucking annoy me, and I'm getting so sick of walking



Now I don't even know what to say. I wish I could get
drunk. When I'm drunk I can always find something
entertaining to do? Am I an alcoholic? No, I don't think
so. I just drink when I'm bored.

"Haha which happens to be a lot.."

But seriously, I haven't drank in a long time. I haven't
found the time to just fuck around anymore. I work from
about 9am - 12am (midnight). That's crazy. I'm at that
place when it opens, until it closes with a few breaks in
between. Work has now become my life. If I'm making all
this money now, when do I have time to spend it? I have
Sunday off, and naturally that would be the ideal time
to 'party' or something, but I just sleep Sunday away.

It's 3am now and I have to work in 6 hours. I haven't been
able to get to bed before 6am this whole week though.
Insomnia strikes back.

I'm also finding I can't type as fast as I used to, and I
have more mistakes when I type. My brain is slowly shutting
down on me and I'm suddenly becoming stupid. A friend told
me I was 'brilliant' once, but look at me now. Couldn't
even give you the details on Osmosis like I once could.

Like I give a fuck what Osmosis is in the first place, but
it gave me some sort of pride to know. It's a good thing to
be smart, and something you can shove in someone's face to
prove that they're dumb. Now I'm just a regular, crazy Joe.

I don't know if it's just me, but is the internet getting
boring? I don't chat all that much anymore.. I'll come
online, check my e-mail, check this place once in a while,
and not much else.

Along with the brain cells I am losing, I found that I'm
beginning to suck at guitar. My hands seem to have been
sloppier lately, and it's pissing me off. My writing sucks.
I've tried a couple times to do some good quality writing,
and I just suck.

My sketches are still turning out okay, so that hasn't left
me.. yet.

Dammit I've been having pains in my right side all day. A
cutting internal annoying pain. It's hella-annoying.

How the hell did I shovel this much info out of my brain to
write this long entry? ... After I'm done this, who knows
what I'm gonna do. Can't sleep. Not hungry. Everything else
I do, I don't feel like doing. Maybe I'll just sit on my
couch and stare at the wall. Or maybe stare at that beatle
thing on my wall that fascinates me. Or maybe I'll just go
get pissed and trash my apartment for the 100th time.
Wouldn't that be a good way to kick off Friday.

Why do people have to piss me off so much? Just any 'ol
person on the street, they can do anything and it'll piss
me off. *shrug*

Guess that's enough for now.. You probably won't hear from
me for a month until I get my lazy ass in gear to write in
here again.