My Heart and Soul....
2002-08-16 04:42:45 (UTC)


It's too damn hot! My day off, and I slept til 12:00 cause
people kept me up most of the night. Then I sat around all
day. Peeps were in and out. REAL boring.

I have a headache. I dunno what to write. I'm REAL sick of
SS. People just inviting themselves to my house when I
haven't talked to them in like a month, just cause they
think there is gonna be a party here. That's always cool.
And everyone talking all this smack. It's so stupid. People
need to grow up, and realize there is more to life.

UGH! AND MEN! BLAH! My ex has been talking to me. Says he
still cares about me. The same shit I heard for 2 years.
Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the feelings. But when we
broke up, it was over. And 2 1/2 years later, when I am
happy, and getting ready to go to college is not the right
time to tell me how much you love me. I don't like how
people throw that word around. It's not like I am at all the
same person I was freshman year. And I think its an insult
to say that I am. I've moved on with my life. People need to
respect that.

oh...and on the subject of men...I HATE BEING CONFUSED. My
best friend (love ya Gabs) has pointed out to me the
insanity and stupidity of, I don't know how to word
it....the object of my affection? It's a huge drawn out
deal...with a lot of complications...many of which I don't
care to elaborate on, in case the wrong person reads
this....but nontheless, I found someone who, for the first
time in a long time makes me laugh, and makes me feel
special. If you've been through a hard break-up, and been
single for a long time, then you know what it's like. It's
really hard. Cause my emotions are crazy. And with my
history with guys, I'm very guarded when it comes to letting
people near me...relationship wise. (which is probably part
of the reason I have a hard time making relationships work.)
SO...all this crap only makes what I'm feeling harder and
more confusing. Cause....when you find someone who's so
special, and you think about them 24hrs a day, it's hard to
hear from your best friend....who you trust more than any
person on this earth, that it's a bad thing. And the thing
is, I understand what she is saying. But that doesn't make
it any easier on me. Cause I still have the feelings. :-

My hope is that with being away at college, I won't have the
ridicule and the constant battering to deal with. I'll be
able to see who I want, and get back to enjoying my life.
Yes, I'll still have to fight with Gabs....but we haven't
always agreed on each others choice of
men....soooooo....we'll either work it out, or kill each
other...I'm just glad she's looking out for me. At least
somone is....

BLAH...thats how I feel. I think the heat is getting to
me!!!!!!!!! Night!