Kandibarre
.label me.
-
yeah ok. iam really really angry righ tnow--for your information. i
was gonna get on iM but i didn't. and now im angry and i can think
of anything else. i turned on internet explorer just out of habit to
see if there was anything i could do and this netscape start page
poped up with news about the santana shooting. being an outsider
my self, it suprised me that his sentencing was national news and i
read up on it. 50 years is a long time. that's all im gonna say, cuz i
wasn't around and i don't have any relation to this whole thing.
but looking at it reminded me of something. it reminded me of
friend of mine. so i looked something up on the internet, and now i
am horribly angry. one honest result. thats it. it was from
december 2000. there is no other nws on this. honestly i can say
that this is the only tragedy that ever came near my life, and i can
tell you i wasn't hit as hard as i should have been. maybe i should
write about this and someone will hear me. my friend ashley--she
sat next to me in science in 8th grade and we always sent silly notes
to eachother without mrs. chon's noticing. shed been around since
i moved here and i had never gotten the chance to know her really.
it turned out she lived real close to me and i went over there a
couple times. in my frechman year she moved to another
school-long reach. ghetto. anyhow, late one night my family and i
drove up to our house and i felt uneasy. im not joking or saying this
because it seemed right. this had happened before, but i went
inside to make sure my cats were still alive (cuz im paranoid like
that) there was a msg on the phone from dana and i called her.
ashley was dead. they found her behind a pizza hut stabbed to
death.
needless to say some ppl were pretty upset forquite a while. ive
never been good with mourning--you know im emotional with
movies and all that, but i don't understand. any how. i looked it up
today and i found one lousy article. it turns out that in 2000 some
21 year old guy that id never heard of was charged with the
murder. would someone tell me why i can't find the verdict??? i
really want to know what happened. to be charged 2 years ago i
think they have to at least had a hearing or soemthing. i mean this
whol danielle vam dam thing took not a month before they wen to
trial . i want to know about my friend! im crying rightnow so ill
shut my door. what do i need to tell you what i feel like right
now?cuss words would work but as so many of you have kindly
brought up ima perfect, uptight prude that doesn't cuss. to me
they're jsut more words that offend some people that i don't need
to be offensive to. i don't need those words to express myself and i
need disapline any how. so anyhow. in order not to agrwavate my
self, im going to assume that you understand.
this is great. i got on Im to get this whole thing off my mind an i
start talking to valerie and no sooner do i quit thinken bout ashley
than we start talking about mr. stansbury. hes my old bio teacher
that i always thought was unfair and i didn't like biology so i yelled
at him more than once. this summer he died of cancer. i feel
horrible. not like i caused it, cuz no one can...but...i just don't know.
maybe its cuz i m not that sad. i can't beilieve it but i cant make my
self sad about it. its not becasue i hated him, cuz i didn't. i just
really don't like evolution and the way he defended it made me
angry. anyhow i feel bad about it...but not particularly sad. thats
another thing
i know this may sound odd to you, but i hope no one ever cries for
me when i die. that souds morbid to think about death at 15 but its
possible. i wish people would just say that its part of life....and life
on earth isn't that great anyhow. id much rather be dead. so if they
insist on crying it better not be for pity. id feel so horribly guilty if i
caused someone that much pain.
now i would say something happy now like i usually do, but im not
in the mood. talk to yas soon
kandi
Ad: