A Ballad of Excellent Destruction
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2001-07-12 21:50:43 (UTC)

If i push this button i explode ea? ::push:: ::push:: ::kick::

Did she actually think i would not be on the Internet? my
mom tryed to take it away, like most of the things in my
life, but to no avail, she knows how i use the Internet
like most who use it, but she lives in the pretentious
little bubble, but i got a back door to things, i always
do. im weeding out the process of disarray that rattled me
for so long, i adapted the shortcomings of my misfortune
and i guess prevailed, i think its just a start, but at
least its somewhere, hopefully that something will get me
away from the somewhere that i fester in, i was so close
before and then caste back down. people think that karma is
a key point in life, If it is then i suffer for others
mistakes, i got a mountain of shit to bulldoze and slowly
but in sure, i overcome. id rather be interpret then waste
it all sober watching the sun go down, to dusk i see
another day gone by, and i re peace the missing puzzle
parts. mend up and fucking move on. but I'm not going to be
content, its when I'm finally content that it gets ripped
away so I'm going to stand my guard. i accept my apathy and
need to stop self centering my existence. self centered is
that me? i don't know for sure, it feels like it when I'm
typing in here, but then again this is my journal, as
broken as it is, its still mine and I'm glad to be back, i
get to talk to mccall again. shes such a sweetheart, i
talked to her on the phone and that made my like for her
increase, she sounds like a very happy person, it was great
and i had a good time talking to her, i hope it continues,
i just don't want her to start thinking I'm weird or some
shit. I'm not weird, a little eccentric but not weird. some
people just misinterpret what i say, they have a hard time
telling the difference between me joking and me being
truthful, i joke around a lot, trying to keep light of this
dead air i encounter day to day. just need to find some one
who can tell that, maybe the right things will fall to
place and not be abysmal...

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