2001-01-13 06:36:30 (UTC)

Now I m not breggin or anything..

Now I'm not breggin or anything but my other
achievement is that I have to acknowledge, because no one
else knows, until now is that the author in the last 3
years or however long I've been on line have gained access
to every free porno site out there, hetrosexually speaking
that is. Sorry, don't mean to sound homophobic, but I
don't know very much about the gay lifestyle, other then my
father in law being gay, but that's a totally different
subject will get into later. So if your reading this for
advice, structure or meaning, I suggest a 12 step program.
So that's my talent, the one and only thing I've used
the computer for. I don't download, I don't talk to people
who send me porn, I don't use it for meeting other people
trapped within the confines of a culture moving to fast to
catch up. I look at porn, and I love it. I haven't rented
a porno flick, bought a dirty mag. or seen my friends in
the past 3 years. But I'm glad it exsists.
So my wifes depression and my meeting up with my old
friend seemed almost like a god moving experience. As if
one door was opening to fill the void for the one just
ripped off it's hinges by my bitchy wife. Please don't
give any weight to that statement, I have no religion or
faith, I was only trying to empathize the point to those of
you blessed with the understanding and acceptance of any
kind of religion in this bullshit world of ours.
I haven't been that fortunate. The Jahova's witnesses
haven't given up on me but my choices are running out.
Thank whomever you believe in that not all religions are as
life affirming and profit driven as the J.H.'s. And I'm
not using them as some easy punchline or joke: although the
universal understanding of the joke is clear. And I need
to mention Clara, Betsy, marge and john (if that's his real
name) because I so enjoy our bi-weekly Wednesday afternoon
talks. When your high and listen to them, they almost make
I can connect the dots and follow the line of logic.
I can see how they would come up with thier ideology and
pursue it vigoruosly, but then I consider reality. The
reality that life and it's very exsistence depends on so
many things occuring at the same time to sustain life.
Water, air, temperature, light, cold etc. The only thing
is that those ingredients only exsist in a five mile
radious around the earth. You go lower your head implodes,
you go higher and you can't breath. That area is what we
as humans need for survival. And to us it's enough. But
in retrospect of the universe, time and space, we and our
area to survive amount to less then a long, bleched red
pubic hair floating in a hurricane in the middle of the

So where is my soul? Is my soul the tiny voice in my
head that tells me to listen to my subconscious all the
time, or is my soul simply my subconscious? If I have a
soul is it more or less then me? I always thought a soul
was something enlightened and positive. Where is my soul?
And if a somewhat law abiding, responsible and sometime
intellectual human like myself can't find his soul, how
much luck do you think a homiciadal pedifiliac with herpes
has of finding his in solitary confinement. Not much, I'd
say, but that FUCKER still gets the finachial aid
scholarships ment for wayward yet good hearted American
boys like myself. FUCKER!
Did I tell you I'm a limo driver? For some reason
that impresses people. I've never been impressed by any of
the rich scum who are facinated by me being a limo driver.
It must depend on what part of America you come from. The
truth is we're all pretty much scumbags, illiterate pervert
vouyerists with good driving records. Please don't let the
fancy suit and big ass car fool you, we'd fuck your 11 year
old daughters if we knew we could get away with it. That
and the 10 person strech's are fun to drive