The Daily Babble
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2002-08-15 19:07:41 (UTC)

Its been a rough week...

Well last night was interesting...I was nervous the whole
evening...First Maria showed up and Cathlin and Jill were
really late, like I figured. I don't know if Cathlin did
it on purpose so that Maria would be there with me, or if
Jill was just late like usual....They came into my room
together saying hi and smiling...I just made room for
everyone and said to get comfortable and we just started

It really sucks because everything felt really fake...and
also it sucked because Jill and Cathlin would talk, and me
and Maria would talk, but it was never like a full joint
conversation. Plus Jill couldn't even really look at me!
I tried to make conversation with things that we could all
talk about but it just wasn't happening. And it really
made me feel like crap.

We talked about a lot of things--stuff for the upcoming
wedding...stuff about the past, old friends and memories
and whatnot...but it just wasn't the same as it used to
be...and what hurt the most is when they all left, I don't
think Jill even really said bye to me...and everyone
hugged each other except for me and Jill. It was really
awkward and almost heartwrenching.

I was talking to Marcus about this stuff afterwards and he
says I'm overthinking things and that I'm too concerned
with other people's feelings and I should be concerned
about myself. But I don't know...because some people also
think I'm self absorbed!!! Ugh.

Today's been ok...when I was eating lunch, I got a call to
my cell--I picked up and it was Jeff...I could hear him
but he couldn't hear me!! So he was like "Baby, its me,
I'm calling from Canada, I can't hear you but I just
wanted to say I Love You and I'll see you soon"...I think
I was more saddened by the call because he sounded so sad
and he couldn't hear me!!! So I went back to eating but
the phone rang again a few minutes later...this time we
could hear each other. I got all choked up talking to
him, but he was so sweet...he was telling me about his
trip, asking about my week, asked if I got his card, etc was nice to talk to him but also, now I have his
voice stuck in my head and I won't talk to him again until
Monday! =-(

Well back to work for me...

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