Reality Check
2001-07-12 19:52:49 (UTC)

The perfect guy

He would have hair that fell across his forhead
occasionally so that I could reach out and touch it. His
eyes would be eyes of heaven, and when I look into them, I
could drown in his sea of love. His hands would be soft and
gentle, and he would know how to caress every inch of my
body. He would never get jealous of a guy, because he would
know to always trust me. And he wouldn't try to control me.....
I love Daniel so much. He's almost perfect....almost. I
told him about me being raped and everything. He just held
me for what seemed like forever and kept saying that he was
sorry and that everything was going to be okay. He's so
sweet and sincere. The problem is, he's controling. Casey is
one of my best friends down here, and I have a lot of
friends that are guys. Me and Daniel got into a fight
Things had been pretty intense between us in the first
place. See, "somehow" a few of his friends found out about
us having sex and it was all over Newport. We sorted that
out. Then all of a sudden we were sittin on the couch and I
was talkin about Casey coming over. He was like, "I don't
understand why you spend more time with him than you do with
me." I was like, "he's my friend." Then all of a sudden he
burst out, "AND I'M YOUR BOYFRIEND!" First of all I don't
like it when someone yells at me, especially over something
as ridiculous as this. I just told him that he needs to
trust me and that I would never cheat on him. He said he did
trust me but he didn't trust Casey. I just had to tell him
that I have a lot of guy friends, and I'm going to spend
time with them, and if he had a problem with that then I'm
sorry. I can't believe he had the nerve to talk about me
spending more time with someone more than him. Just the
other day we were sittin on the couch and Jason came over
with some weed to smoke and Daniel was the first one out the
door to go smoke it. I told him he loves his weed more than
me, but he just laughed it off. I've told him time and time
again he needs to quit that shit. If I'm going to be in a
serious relationship with him, then he needs to become serious.
I can't understand why my mom keeps that picture of David
up on the bookshelf. He molested me, and every day I have to
look at his picture. That's kind of cruel, isn't it? I mean,
it's bad enough everyone blames me for ruining the family
because I told on him, now it's like she's trying to pull a
guilt trip or something. I don't know....
Reed, Mary's brother, is going out with this girl named
Shana. Shana practically lives at their house. Shana and
Reed are both 16. He treats her like shit, so I've hated him
for as long as I've known him, because me and Shana are good
friends and he shouldn't do that. Well, yesterday Reed calls
me up askin me if I was a virgin and did I have a boyfriend
and how many blow jobs have I done, ect. I was like, why? He
said he might be "interested". He told me he'd give me money
or cigarettes if I gave him a blow job. (Shana's in Denver
right now.) And the thing I can't believe is that I actually
agreed. But nothing happened. He came over, but then he said
he couldn't do that to Shana cause he loves her too much. I
was like, whatever. I still got the pack of cigarettes though.
But anyways, I have to go because Hope is destroying my
mom's room and I think I should stop her at some point. My
mom needs to seriously get another babysitter because this
child is not my responsibility, and I need my summer
vacation back. Hope has even called me mamma a few times.
Now that just crosses the line.